Zombie Bears

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BearShark's Guide to
Godless Killing Machines
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Quote open clear3 I've never seen anything so brutal. Quote close clear2
~Stunned Witness
After seeing a Zombie Bear destroy an entire fleet of Aircraft Carriers


Actual Zombie Bear photo taken by world's best Bear Photographer. He was eaten moments later.

These ruthless killers are the newest breed of evil in the ever-growing arsenal of the bears. Regenerated from the tissue of their fallen brothers (See: The Democratic Alliance of Koalas), the monsters have twice the strength of your average bear and can breathe under water almost indefinitely, only needing air every 26.8 hours. This makes some experts believe they are closely related to the BearSharks.

General Edit

Iraq oil

In an effort to more easily send bears to Iraq, multiple "Transceibear" towers were set up to help land bear transport planes.

Created in August 2006 by The Democratic Alliance of Koalas in response to the overwhelming shortage of able-bodied bears to deploy in Iraq to aid the terrorists.

After only 2 days of "sciencing" the first 17 specimens were ready. Their only foreseeable flaw was that due to the fact that they were dead, and as such could not successfully reproduce. This was problem fixed by teaching them Voodoo, allowing them to resurrect any fallen bear they come upon into one of their own (This Voodoo was later expanded upon to create the Zombie Bear Shaman, discussed later). They were also given the ability to hold their breath for almost 27 hours, making them the perfect choice for an amphibious assault (especially when used in correlation with BearSharks). They are not social creatures, and prefer to wreck havoc alone, however they will attack in large groups against an overwhelming enemy (This is very rare, as one bear could take out most of the Japanese Navy). Their population is believed to be around 220,000 and growing every day.

Zombie Bear Shaman Edit


A Zombie Bear Shaman, disguised as a normal polar bear, using his ability of flight to cross the Pacific.

The Zombie Bear Shaman is a specialized type of Zombie Bear. They have a heightened ability to use Voodoo, even to the extent that they can change their shape.

It also allows them to do many other things, such as: fly (more of a long leap), alter the weather, and even sing quite well. Other than that, they are identical to the average Zombie Bear in all other ways. It is said that a Zombie Bear Shaman once bottled the tears of the children it devoured and used it's bear voodoo to take human form. Latest reports are that this Zombie Bear is currently masquerading as a senator from New York and is eyeballing the presidency.

Habitat and Hunting TacticsEdit

41855500 grave2 pa416

An example of a common Zombie Bear trap. They will cover the grave they are hiding in with flowers and wait for someone to get too close.

These gruesome creatures lurk anywhere there is honey or blood to be found. And unlike most bears, instead of Dens, they live in nests - this is so they can attack their prey from above with the element of surprise.

Since they have no need to consume food, they merely chew it into very small pieces to line there nests with. They will often be seen waiting in graves, waiting to consume unsuspecting funeral-goers.

Other places you are likely to encounter these beasts:

  • Hollywood - They use the sin to grow even more powerful
  • Woods - Hikers are tasty
  • Pacific Ocean - They help Godzilla destroy Japan every once in a while.

Defeating them Edit


A little known fact is that the mummy in "The Mummy" was not actually after world domination, but actively seeking a bear he was sent to kill in 3256 BC.

There is only one known way to destroy a Zombie bear, and that is to shoot a silver bullet into a wooden stake and then subsequently stab the aforementioned stake into it's left eye. The reasoning behind this is that that's where the Zombie Bear's "Zombasitor" (The Zombie Bears equivalant of a heart) is. An alternate, however untested, method is to recite an ancient Egyptian curse, revive a mummy, and have him kill the zombie bear. The drawback to this method is, of course, now you have a mummy with the taste of zombie blood.

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