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Zachary Taylor

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POSTUSSeal
WHFromSouthLawn
Zachary Taylor
was the 12th President of the United States of America
Party: Whig   Term of Office: 1849-1850


Zach-taylor

I mean, seriously, look how much he sucked!


Plain and simple: one of the worst presidents ever.

Zach taylor

1848 campaign ad claiming Zachary Taylor butchered Mexicans. It is unclear if it is a pro- or anti-Taylor ad.

That cholera really showed him. His cut and run strategy lead to the Compromise of 1850.

His nickname was "Old Rough and Ready". Enough said.

One of the 5 "Mediocre Presidents" joining Tyler, Filmore, Hayes, and William Henry Harrison, who died in thirty days.

Even his children sucked. For instance, Sarah Knox Taylor married future Confederate president Jefferson Davis; she died from malaria three months after the marriage. Serves her right.

Rules For College KidsEdit


Zach-FractsEdit

12th Cousin, twice removed of Tim "the toolman" Taylor

64% responsible for the sideburns craze that hit (or will hit) the nation in the 1870's, 1970's, and 2070's.

Supreme Court appointments: none

States admitted to the Union: none

Fart jokes told during presdential addresses: 23,619

Known as a visionary that was ahead of his time, before the end of his term he addressed the media with an exit strategy out of Iraq

First known man to find Waldo

A family man who only beat his wife 4 times a month, much less then recommended in the Washington Post in 1832 which suggested a beating should be handed out 8-12 times a month

Is behind every murder of Kenny from 1999-2002

Once shot a man 12 times and stabbed him 6 for spelling his name with a 'k'

With his notable stutter and suspect spelling, he collaborated with Alex Trebek to invent "Hooked on Phonics" to improve his speech.

Went through a disturbing fad later in his life where he would wear extremly ugly hats. After 8 straight months of wearing a hat with a 4 foot feather sticking out of the side, his family finally decided to have an intervention and check him into the Betty Ford Clinic.

Has a uncontrolable case of "the jungle fevar"

Popularized boxers over briefs. Generations after still thank him to this day

Had noticibly small hands, a lot like carnival folk.

Often credited with popularising the improper pronunciation of "nukular"

Smiled only on Saturdays.

Was champion of the White House Fantasy Baseball league from 1847-1849

Invented the time machine, but lost it in the year 2017


KatherineHarris2
MonkeyTypewriter
The people of Florida have declared the page,
"Zachary Taylor"
UGLY by a 53-47 margin.
You better get some monkeys to edit this page.
As for Zachary Taylor, plastic surgery may be in order...

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