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He goes by many names. But his most common aliases include The Artist formerly known as Yousuf Islam and Cat Stevens and Steven Demetre Georgiou, or just TAFKAYIACSASDG for short. It is still uncertain what he is - Greek? Muslim? Feline? Pick a side, sir: we're at war.
Yousef assists America's enemies by allowing his sickly sweet 1970s folk music to be aired on lame radio stations and sold on nostalgic CD collections. Fortunately, only middle-aged liberals fall for these tactics. Good, honest Americans throw their Cat Stevens albums on the fires along with their The Dixie Chicks CDs.
If you want to know more about TAFKAYIACSASDG, simply read The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. It's a pretty accurate historical account of his life which he'd rather you not learn about, going so far as to threaten Rushdie's life. What a dick.
- "Yousef" is a prophet's name in The Holy Quran.
Those who hate him have no reason to criticize him for choosing the right way of life, so May God guide them all or let them burn in Hell.