Your Bedroom Dresser

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Your Bedroom Dresser
is part of The Perfect American Home™

Open any drawer on your bedroom dresser and you will find something made in China

Your bedroom dresser is the 1st major battle ground between The USA and China. It was probably also made in China.

What's in your dresser? Edit

  • The fashionable substitute for freedom of speech, assembly, and a true free market economy.
  • Cotton picked by Illegal Mexican workers, then shipped to China and made into tighty whiteys and tube socks.
  • Not a single label that say "Made In America".
  • Your personal Firearms cache, because the Chinese will be here any day now.
  • Soft-Core pornograghy to assist in the filling of the great population gap.
  • Your little black book, because we can all do better than 1 or 2 every nine months. Think exponents people!
  • Your list of enemies and possible enemy combatants, what comes around goes around.
  • Stephen Colbert's Formula 401. Everyone must do their part.
  • Britney Spears upskirt photojournal, everyone needs a hobby, make your's scrapbooking.
  • Maps which lay out the locations of every Chinese Food Restaurant and Dry Cleaner for a 50 mile radius.
  • Keepsakes from that Super Bowl game you lost by missing that field goal, laces out.
  • Your Chinese Disguise kit, including scotch tape for realistic eyes.
  • A copy of the original version of "The Manchurian Candidate" and your Tin Foil Hat.
  • Sweatpants
  • The Bible, it's not just for cheap motels mister!
  • GPS Tracking System to keep tabs on that road whore of a wife of yours.
  • The Address to that club Ted Haggart and Mark Foley tipped you off to.
  • Condoms with holes pinned through the tips. Give your boys a fighting chance.
  • Tic-Tacs for convenient birth control substitutes.
  • Naked Playing cards with the Face of Condi Rice superimposed onto them.
  • Letters from that foreign ex girlfriend who absolutely did not give birth to your half Libyan son. Ahh the 80's.
  • Bundled $1 bills for that club Ted Haggart and Mark Foley tipped you off to.
  • Secret stash of Wam! and Men with Hats records.
  • Assorted colors and styles of thongs because freedom is free and nobody even suspects that just one thin layer separates them from your juicy buttocks.
  • Methamphetamines conveniently stored in pill box labled Monday through Saturday. But not Sunday, because Sunday you're high on Jesus and Diet Soda.
  • Research materials for "Circle of Friends" meetings including "Girls Gone Wild" videos.
  • "International Bob Crane Fan Club" membership card.
  • Photos from your enjoyable "Sausage Festival" weekend.

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