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Your bedroom dresser is the 1st major battle ground between The USA and China. It was probably also made in China.
What's in your dresser? Edit
- The fashionable substitute for freedom of speech, assembly, and a true free market economy.
- Cotton picked by Illegal Mexican workers, then shipped to China and made into tighty whiteys and tube socks.
- Not a single label that say "Made In America".
- Your personal Firearms cache, because the Chinese will be here any day now.
- Soft-Core pornograghy to assist in the filling of the great population gap.
- Your little black book, because we can all do better than 1 or 2 every nine months. Think exponents people!
- Your list of enemies and possible enemy combatants, what comes around goes around.
- Stephen Colbert's Formula 401. Everyone must do their part.
- Britney Spears upskirt photojournal, everyone needs a hobby, make your's scrapbooking.
- Maps which lay out the locations of every Chinese Food Restaurant and Dry Cleaner for a 50 mile radius.
- Keepsakes from that Super Bowl game you lost by missing that field goal, laces out.
- Your Chinese Disguise kit, including scotch tape for realistic eyes.
- A copy of the original version of "The Manchurian Candidate" and your Tin Foil Hat.
- The Bible, it's not just for cheap motels mister!
- GPS Tracking System to keep tabs on that road whore of a wife of yours.
- The Address to that club Ted Haggart and Mark Foley tipped you off to.
- Condoms with holes pinned through the tips. Give your boys a fighting chance.
- Tic-Tacs for convenient birth control substitutes.
- Naked Playing cards with the Face of Condi Rice superimposed onto them.
- Letters from that foreign ex girlfriend who absolutely did not give birth to your half Libyan son. Ahh the 80's.
- Bundled $1 bills for that club Ted Haggart and Mark Foley tipped you off to.
- Secret stash of Wam! and Men with Hats records.
- Assorted colors and styles of thongs because freedom is free and nobody even suspects that just one thin layer separates them from your juicy buttocks.
- Methamphetamines conveniently stored in pill box labled Monday through Saturday. But not Sunday, because Sunday you're high on Jesus and Diet Soda.
- Research materials for "Circle of Friends" meetings including "Girls Gone Wild" videos.
- "International Bob Crane Fan Club" membership card.
- Photos from your enjoyable "Sausage Festival" weekend.