"Yoko Ono"
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Yoko Ono is the current Borg queen, and surviving wife of John Lennon of the Beatles. Details about Yoko Ono's birth and early life are largely unknown. My gut tells me, however, that Yoko Ono is not of the planet Earth. It is also widely known that Yoko Ono is the illegitimate half-sister of Ann Coulter.

Yoko Ono
Birth - ??? Death - 2377
Birthplace The home world of Species 125
Religion Godless Commie
Education Learned at the right hand of Chairman Mao
Occupation Borg Queen
Spouse The Borg Continuum
Super Powers Assimilating entire planets of people to the Borg lifestyle
Fun Fact #1 It took Yoko Ono the same amount of time to destroy the Beatles as all of the life forms in System FGC-J25.

Destruction of the BeatlesEdit

Little is known about Yoko Ono until the 1960s when she began appearing at art houses, terrorist bombing parties, and other hippy hangouts. As the movement of the Blame America First Crowd and the dirty Hippy were reaching their pinnacle in the 1960s, nobody questioned Yoko Ono's alien appearance.

At one hippy gathering, Yoko Ono met John Lennon of the hippy-rock band the Beatles. Yoko enchanted John with her exotic alien looks and blistering liberalism. John was putty in Yoko's hands, and eventually the two married.


Due to the long hair, it is unclear whether this is Yoko Ono or John Lennon in this photo, circa 1971.

Yoko Ono soon set about to destroy the Beatles so that she could use John's hippy powers to her own ends. She took advantage of her alien charms to cause a permanent rift between the members of the Beatles. Unable to withstand the sexual tension that resulted from being in close proximity to Yoko, the Beatles opted to break-up.

The 1970sEdit

After the destruction of the Beatles, Yoko Ono and John Lennon embarked on a decade of participation in Godless hippy causes during the 1970s. Pursuant to this God-hating hippy agenda, Yoko Ono and John Lennon tried to brainwash a whole generation of Americans to grow long hair, do drugs, become Serial Killers, and vote for Democrats.

Yoko Ono and John Lennon would have continued their subversive hippy activities but for the work of Richard Nixon. Nixon is credited with trying to force John and Yoko to leave God's Country by deportation. Faced with the terror of having to leave America for Old Europe, John decided to take the easy way out and have himself shot.


Photo of Yoko Ono's current residence

Yoko Ono was saddened by her husband's death and the prospect of leaving American. Yoko ultimately decided to sell her rights in John's music to producers of television commercials and use the funds to return to her home planet.

Borg QueenEdit

While traveling throughout the galaxy, Yoko Ono was spotted by the Borg and invited to join their Communist collective. Much like the Beatles before them, the Borg fell prey to Yoko's wild, socialist charms.

"I am the one who is many...who brings order to chaos...I am the beginning and the end...If an executive from Nike is on the phone, tell them that I have a great song to sell them for their next commercial."
~ Yoko Ono

Yoko Ono was soon made Queen of the Borg. Yoko is currently developing a plan to instigate a Great Bear Uprising. It is said that only Stephen Colbert will be able to stop Yoko and the Borg when the uprising occurs.


  • Yoko Ono's sons are Apolo Anton Ohno, Vladmir Putin and Sean Lennon.

See AlsoEdit

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