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The Greatest President Ever Attends His Final White House Correspondents Association DinnerEdit
- Disappointed by the abscence of Stephen Colbert and his Peabody to sing to him, the Greatest President EVER ponders whether to conduct the orchestra or make them all enemy combatants on a stick.--Pro-Lick 23:17, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- We DO NOT torture and if you don't quit asking about that I'm going to grab your balls and slide this stick into one of them like a martini olive!
- Dang it barbra made it clear that George was not to be allowed to pick up any pointy sticks while she was gone. Man when she gets home Condi is going to be in trouble. --Grazon 16:54, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
- As expected, the fashion industry didn't include bootstraps and can't actually tell the left from the right.--Pro-Lick 23:19, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
- You can't have one or the other, though.
Scottish Union Workers Shut Down Oil RefineryEdit
- To the hills sheep! the scotts are coming home early! --Grazon 16:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
Wildfire Season Comes To Southern CaliforniaEdit
- "Moses, Is that You?" --Sneakers 06:32, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- FOX Polls indicate that most people believe the fires contribute to the economy and were unrelated to any climate change "theory".--Pro-Lick 21:23, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
Truckers Protest High Fuel PricesEdit
- Bring em on down to cripple town 
--Grazon 06:27, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
- FOX has confirmed with Mel Gibson that the truckers love America and were there only for a test shot for his upcoming film, Road Warrior 4 - Like Oil From Iraqis.--Pro-Lick 21:28, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
Three Tornadoes Hit VirginiaEdit
- Today on FOX - God rescues The Greatest Country from record housing vacancies and drops in home value.--Pro-Lick 22:07, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
John McCain Visits New OrleansEdit
- New Orleans is nothing like Iraq....'cept for the massive destruction, lack of hope, and the need for both soldiers and a bullet proof vest to protect me. --Grazon 03:20, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- And why don't you see Obama here? Because Barack Obama does not care about black people. - The Lake Effect 11:36, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
German Band Kraftwerk Performs At Coachella Music And Art FestivalEdit
- Which one's the REAL band?
Chihuahua Dressed In Scuba GearEdit
- Please just kill me. --Grazon 03:19, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- "Well, it's more comfortable than the ballerina outfit. F--king ballet shoes." - The Lake Effect 11:38, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
- Tinkerbell prepares to retrieve a lost artifact from deep inside Paris Hilton. Godspeed, you brave dog. - The Lake Effect 11:10, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
U.S. Air Force retires F-117Edit
- And that is the look of a Nighthawk ready to collect Social Security. - The Lake Effect 11:11, 1 May 2008 (UTC)