Winthrop University

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Winthrop University
Winthrop University
Location: Rockyhill, SC
Type of School: public, with private tuition
Annual Tuition: $100,000
Mascot: Jedi Squirrel
School Colors: Navy, White/Red, Gold
School Song: Add stuff here
Student Population:  ???
Fun Fact # 1: Winthrop is well known for its abundance of chirality centers.
Fun Fact # 2: Add stuff here

Winthrop University is over 300 years old and located in Rock Hill, SC between a beauty school and an independent insurance agent's office. Students are left by their parents within the college's invisible fence for 3-4 months at a time to "live, learn, and lead."

Recent Renovations and Additions Edit

American Legion fairgrounds recently purchased to further reduce fun and parking space. University president DiGiorgio looks to develop a shopping center for squirrels to reduce their overwhelming, distracting presence on campus. The school recently spent $6 million on pine needle renovations to fix squirrel induced damage and hopes that this new development will help cut the costs associated with their living nearby.

Traditions Edit

Every April a freshman is sacrificed (thrown off Tillman) by a member of the senior class. This is to ensure smooth graduation and great fortune for all soon-to-be alumni.

Each August, an opening ceremony known as "Convocation" takes place in a lowly lit auditorium where incoming freshman wearing blue uniforms are forced into a line and surrounded by professors in hooded robes. The university president walks down the line branding them with a 22K gold mace. This is simply to ensure that wherever students transfer, they will always be returned to the appropriate address.

Graduate Programs Edit

Those with a high enough GPA's able to endure numerous interrogations and hours of torture in Tillman's basement are ensured admission with appropriate GRE scores.

Protests Edit

The CIA's recent recruiting visit was opposed by many members of the campus community because they felt that Winthrop alumni "could do better than that," and took the campus recruiting as an insult. "Go down to SCU!" was shouted through a megaphone as a coffin shaped box was displayed to represent the limited thinking capabilities of those members of the recruiting organization in contrast to the more abstract, higher-level thinking of the Winthrop graduate.

Slogan Edit

"Live Learn Lead" was developed to remind students of the presence of lead paint in their living and learning environments on campus, and of the dangers associated with eating paint chips. Before this phrase was printed on everything, everywhere, hungry students sick of Thompson food would convocate each Friday night with ice picks and razor blades within Roddey to enjoy dinner.

Winthrop University
seeks to indoctrinate America's children
with anti-Christian teaching furthering the dangerous Liberal Agenda.
Oh No!
Winthrop University
needs help fast!
Quick! Someone call the cavalry!

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