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It looks like you have a ways to go before you graduate from the

"Derek Zoolander School For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want To Do Other Stuff Better"

needs "special treatment" to be
cleansed of its Untergrammatik
Recognized Seasons
on America's Planet

How it began Edit

Winter didn't always exist, in fact outside of America, it doesn't. Winter is actually a Canadian invasion plan that is called off yearly due to arguments over nation language of the newly conquered land and the lack of maple syrup and Canadian bacon production. Who started this meteorological phenomenon? sadly it was us. Back in the good old days of 1812, America was is a situation like 2000, things were doing pretty well, the scandalous presidency of Martin van Buren was over,and the successful and powerful administration of Thomas Jefferson was in command and all was well, except for some things

What was wrong? Edit

The British were there, still, drinking their ales and sipping their whiskeys. And you know who got along with the Brits, the Canadians, yeah! The Canadians those guys always sided with the Brits. But what started the conflict. The forefathers who kicked ass in the Revolution, these guys now in charge had grown up hearing these stories and decided that it was their time to shine and get some glory before we had to beat up the native Americans again. It's not quite as satisfying. So off to war, why not good for businesses across the board, more gun sales, more liquor sales, more condom sales, more food sales, it's good for the economy. Besides it feels good to beat up the British, it must, i mean our fathers enjoyed doing it.

Soooo...? Edit

The Americans kicked the Brits out, and made a grab for some Canadian lands, John Paul Jones proved he was one bad ass sailor and all things were good, at least for us. The Canadians were peeved, perturbed and quite convinced that they were French. So they acted like the good french and planned a resistance that could work, provided that America came and saved them from the Nazis. Anyways they sat down at the Great Table of Discussion at Toronto and planned their attack. They didn't have much ideas, certainly not as advanced as the ones they are using today because well it was 1813 come on, but they knew people hated the cold, except for anyone who lived in Minnesota, who by all rights knew what they were getting into. So over the years the Canadians came up with a few ideas of how do work out what could possibly be the greatest revenge domination plan ever, except for when Lex Luthor wanted to create a multi level anti superman weapon, i mean how could that not work? Richard Pryor and Superman working together? never happen.

What's the Game Plan? Edit

As time flew by a multitude of things happened, people in America forgot about the war of 1812, grabbed some more and grew rich and prosperous and all things were good in the land of milk and honey. Meanwhile the entire population of Canadian seethed collectively and came up with the final game plan. Giant Fans, thats right, Giant Fans pointed at American and powered by the mighty rivers of Canada. The first winters experienced in America were weak and poor due to lack of sufficient funding. But the Fans were one part of the plan, because they had to convince the Americans that everyone else had winter too. The Europeans bought it because, hey they didn't like that upstart nation anyways, China liked it because it was one more way to control the people, the Russians were hard to convince, but got into it once they realized it gave them an excellent reason to drink and do nothing for most of the year. But for a bit the southern hemisphere had winter at the same time, till Canadian scientists figured out that they could make some money through kickbacks from the airlines, if there was always somewhere that had winter. Time passes to the current date and now the Fans are giant air turbines that sit in hidden silos till September, August if your in Maine.

Impact on America Edit

Winter has become a major part of our life, affecting the seasons of sports and clothing and has caused the Canadian sport of hockey to invade and pervade American life. After all North Carolina, which oddly enough is in the south, won the Stanley Cup. Americans today still believe in Winter and now even look forward to snow and other such winter pastimes. In an effort to get rid of winter, Prof. McDoc has been researching ways to stop the invasion.

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