The biggest problem with Winnipeg is Winnie The Pooh. This crazed honey-loving freak is Manitoba's way to cultivate bear-loving freaks that will harm the liberty and well-being of most Americans. Winnie The Pooh gets high off of crack daily.
Known to very few,. Winnipeg has two seasons; winter and construction. When Winnipegers are not freezing their asses off, they are stuck in the mad construction rush: the building of statues of Stalin and Marx.
Many citizens of Winnipeg have attempted to kill off the bears with the newly discovered poison found in Kool-Aid. Winnipeg is up for several awards for having discovered the hallucinogetic effects that Kool-Aid has on bears.
Great Bear IncidentEdit
- See Also: Great Bear Incident
In 2005, Bears and members of The Left Wing Madness, joined forces to attempt and wipe away all traces of Colbert in Manitoba. They also attempted to take control of the city. Thankfully, Colbert saved the city with the newly found poison, Kool-Aid.
General location Edit
Winnipeg is right smack in the middle of nowhere. There are no roads going there, so the people are completely secluded. It's also 18.4 billion miles from any body of water for commercial trade. If you just go up from wherever you are, eventually you will find the city - unless you are in Calgary, where, as in so many other cases, you have to go left.
Lifestyle EditBecause of its seclusion, the people of Winnipeg have no social skills. The only technology is one television set, used to watch The Colbert Report. People in Winnipeg are sort of like the Amish, just cannibalistic and ridiculously stupid Amish. Tourism isn't very big, because the tourists have a tendency to be mauled by bears.
The Capital's unoffical red light district, Trashcona (sometimes mistaken for Transcona) is chock full of females, from under-aged delights, to aging mountain lions. Visits to the local clubs are recommended for those seeking oral pleasure, or venereal diseases. The quiet neighbourhood is tidy and well stocked with Camaros, vehicle of choice for the wife-beater wearing males of Trashcona. Trashcona can be used in many situations like: That was easy,like a transcona girl.Wow that went down fast, like a transcona girl. The main working girls of trashcona come from TCI a school in trashcona. TCI stands for Trashcona's Collection of Idiots
It is a popular tourist attraction, thanks to the low (16 years) age of consent. By this age, most girls have already mastered the art of gola profonda fellatio, a coming of age ritual in many families.
Colbert's recent rise to fame has led to his name being lent to the latest craze, Colberulating. The specifics of this are not revealed to just anybody, but rumour has it you can get it for $8.