Willy Wonka
is a Great American and deserves your adoration!
America loves you, Willy Wonka
"Willy Wonka"
is for the kids!

Willy Wonka is the inventor of Iron man. He is also both Senator Joe Lieberman's and archnemesis Marilyn Manson's hero, because chocolate are their favorite food.

OG Wonka

Real Wonka


Willy Wonka (born William Wendy Wonkascov on November 10, 1931) was an American-Yugoslavian inventor and self proclaimed 'chocolatician'. He invented many kinds of candy and gadgets, some of which are still used today, although unfortunately credit is rarely given to him.

Although delicious, chocolate is an antiexplosive - a key ingredient in gasoline and other chemicals. This meant that Wonka had control of all the gasoline in the world, which in turn made him the most powerful person in the world. He tried to invent a system similar to the internet in 1951, but it failed to work as it was impossible to make a computer small enough at the time. He invented on-demand tv in 1951 and called it WonkaVision, but it did not sell very well despite extensive marketing efforts. He tried to invent a system like XM radio but failed because his internet system only had two other participants. He invented Safties to catch falling elevators in 1953, but they only sold well in 1985 when they were mandatory. He also invented the multidirectional elevator in 1954 and called it The Wonkavator, but the idea did not catch on until 2002 - to which he was not credited. He tried to invent Ice Cream That Never Melts; experiments for this product began in 1955 and ended in 1996. By 1980 50,000 dogs had died in the testing of this ice cream making Willy Wonka extremely cruel to animals. As a result he was branded Heat Magazine's Cruellest Person of the Year 1985 and was forced out of his home when an angry mob of dissenters set fire to it, setting many of the captive dogs free. In 1988 he patented a string of inventions that were never taken up by manufacturers, including the Smelevator, the Wonkyhose, the Fartalator and the Fantastic Bean Producing Machine. His last major invention was the Elephone, a telephone that only elephants can use. It was invented in 1984 and was a surprising hit, but Wonka was upset with the amendments to his original blueprints, causing the onset of manic depression. Eventually Willy Wonka jumped out of the wonkavator in June 1999, falling to his death.

Fictional Version

Jackson Vs. WonkaEdit

It has been suggested that Michael Jackson is actually Willy Wonka, based on similarities in their appearance. This is also backed up by his apparent attempts at misinformation in the 80s when Jackson claimed that he did not like chocolate. Which we know is a lie. Everyone likes chocolate. Wonka, to his credit, never put out the alcoholic drink known to the world as. Michael Jackson invented the shit, and has used it to feed his habit ever since.