William Randolph Hearst

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William Randolph Hearst
is a Truthiness Crusader!
William Randolph Hearst
Is not a sinner
And never killed

William Randolph Hearst was America's first true newsman, and a founder of the gospel of truthiness. His newspapers didn't bother with the pesky facts and irrelevant reporting so beloved by today's liberal media; he went straight from the gut and called it like he felt it. Jealous liberal reporters defamed his kind of reporting as "yellow journalism", but it was all red, white and blue.

Even though God blessed him with wealth and power, his life was not easy. From the very beginning, liberal elites were out to get him, from that hack Orson Welles impersonating him for two boring, boobless hours to that Commie Charlie Chaplin stealing his girl and forcing him to shoot someone on accident. (By that point, why should he have confessed and gone to prison? Hadn't he suffered enough?) Nevertheless, his brave legacy lives on in his protege and possible reincarnation, Rupert Murdoch.


He was famous for saying "You provide the pictures, and I'll provide the war" — see, U.N.? That's how easy it should be!

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