Wicked is a musical based on a book, so there are a lot of things gay with it.
- Condi/Dr. Rice/Brown Sugar
- Miss Pelossible
- Doctor Algorimond
- The Great and Powerful Rove!
The American Secretary of State, "CONDI", descends from the heavens in a glistening bubble-shaped oil tanker to recount for her adoring throng of journalists how she was able to defeat terrorists, when one asks if CONDI ever knew any of the terrorists personally.
The journalist who asked is whisked away and never to be heard from again as CONDI sings "No One Mourns The Homos".
Somehow through a few changes in the color of the lights and moving setpieces (and dancing men) we are at the college where CONDI met
her first the accursed lesbian, "HILLPHABA".
MISS PELOSSIBLE waddles in to explain to the children that due to HILLPHABA's greenness she is more qualified to attend special classes and recieve food stamps and other perks that the other children cannot have due to their being white and heterosexual and Christian.
To the shock of the other normal students, MISS PELOSSIBLE insists that HILLPHABA attend the prestigious "Abortions and Occult" class, the most popular at the school.
CONDI is outraged that HILLPHABA is given preferential treatment over her and the other white, heterosexual, Christian legacy students whose parents were able to pay to have their children attend school, unlike children whose parents didn't love them enough to make more money and now they go to school using food stamps.
To make matters worse, CONDI is forced to room with HILLPHABA when the horrible MISS PELOSSIBLE elects herself "The Roommate Decider".
A random midget dances around and for no discernable reason some chick in a wheelchair joins him and suddenly there is a gay orgy on the stage before the curtain falls.
A handsome rogue swaggers in with more testosterone than any one man should have and introduces himself as the son of a very rich, and very well-connected man whose father gave him everything he ever wanted and who will soon do the same for his clean, articulate son, DUBYERO.
DUBYERO sings "Slacking Through Life" to explain his philosphy on life, and why everyone should adopt it as their own.
During this number, none of the men do anything remotely gay, like cheerleading or dancing.
Everyone else, however, dances their way into the classroom of DOCTOR ALGORIMOND, a talking goat.
No one seems to notice that a goat is talking or that he is teaching a class, or that the gay orgy is still going on, but apparently this is common in liberal colleges.
HILLPHABA is so enthralled by DOCTOR ALGORIMOND, the goat-teacher, that she vows to take up his animal rights cause after he is rightfully removed from the classroom by NSA officials who were tipped off by another student.
Something happens with a lion cub, a house, a mild wind storm, the midget and the cripple do something and next thing you know CONDI and DUBYERO are engaged to be married.
Unable to accept the way God made her or the life she chose, HILLPHABA takes no personal responsibility for any of the things that have happened to her and chooses to blame the white, heterosexual, Christian, legacy students for her race, gayness and clothing choices.
Ostracized, HILLPHABA, enchants her monkey relatives to fly around and throw their feces on everyone, while they sing "Defying Gravity and Creationism".
CONDI and DUBYERO plot to destroy the wicked HILLPHABA and seek the leadership and guidance of THE GREAT AND POWERFUL ROVE!
THE GREAT AND POWERFUL ROVE! instructs DUBYERO to throw Holy Water on HILLPHABA ending her reign thus allowing for CONDI to ascend to the throne and everyone lived happily ever after!