Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?

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Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.
Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?
needs to be Colbertized
Please watch and take notes from
the correct episode of The Colbert Report to get it right!

This special segment allows Stephen to entertain guesses as to which country he will visit when he takes "The Report" to the Persian Gulf!

Where Should Stephen Go?Edit

After you vote, click here to argue why your choice is correct.

Of the 7 countries in the Middle East where U.S. troops are stationed, which one do you want Dr. Colbert to visit?

The poll was created at 00:34 on April 10, 2009, and so far 333 people voted.

Due to a minor glitch in the software,
you will have to click the "Vote" button twice after making your selection.


  • known for wearing a little green (Green washes Dr. Colbert out)
    • reminds Stephen of the armed forces
  • Marines may be few and proud
    • Stephen is fewer and a complete narcissist
  • Colbert Report Shout Out
    • 153rd Infantry Regiment, Charlie Company
      • They invite Dr. Colbert to "come on over!"
  • he would do whatever he is told by anyone with an automatic weapon
  • taking "The Colbert Report" overseas!
    • to the Persian Gulf!
  • cannot tell all the details
    • do no reference the name of the country
  • there will be sand and people wish he would leave
    • could be the Bahamas
  • do not reference tour dates
  • To Recap
    • Colbert Report will visit troops in near or distant future (or past)
  • best news: Tickets are still available
    • go to, sign up,

April 8, 2009 GuessEdit


Dr. Colbert points to the general area where he and The Report will be visiting for a week


Dr. Colbert and the fleet of body doubles who will accompany him to the Middle East. (Stephen is the one with the big, gold "S" on his chest.

  • Adopt don't ask don't tell policy
    • Stephen is Dubai-curious
  • somewhere in the eye slit of Stephen's burqa-covered
    • Seven countries, where the US has troops
  • press your luck board
    • no sunnis, no sunnis, no sunnis ...
  • is it Bahrain?
    • may wear the Cher outfit
    • HQ of 5th fleet
    • make it unpleasant for pirates
  • 3.5x the size of D.C.
    • 10 times more influence in Congress
  • King al-Kalifa
    • women vote
    • may gain right to leave the house
  • need to prepare
    • Stephen has been weight training
      • can press a stapler all the way down
        • needs to warm up (abs were targeted)
  • always be wearing SPF 45
  • hired a fleet of body doubles to confuse the enemy
  • when their shirts are off, it's hard to tell them apart
    • Stephen will wear a big gold "S" on his chest

April 22, 2009 GuessEdit


  • can show on the his map of Pangaea (from out of the
    • before the continents split up, Yoko's fault
  • 15 countries
    • our ally between when we give them weapons
    • and when they start using them
  • method he always uses

Press Your Luck Board

  • Qatar!
    • is not Michigan
  • how to pronounce
    • Qwutter
      • post death to America in 140 characters or less
  • one park ranger who filled out the wrong form
  • home of the quick response unit
  • pearling industry
    • no one could telll when women were wearing them
  • adjust his behavior
    • no alcohol or pornography
      • they never say anything about O'Doul's or Talbot's Catalogue
  • it is normal for two men to hold hands in friendship
    • Dr. Colbert practiced with Killer
      • this did not include interlocking fingers

April 28, 2009 AdviceEdit

This is the episode where Dr. Colbert asks Richard Engel for advice.

  • post dinosaur era
    • pre mole people enslavement
  • Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?
  • first & foremost as a journalist
    • first as an American
    • 2nd
    • 3rd journalist
  • Amanpour,
    • Rivera
  • risk their lives
    • Afghanistan
    • Somalia
  • only more dangerous newspaper office
  • there's got to be a way to protect yourself
    • atropine take in case of a nerve agent attack
  • can be lethal if you haven't been exposed
  • preparing to report on war is hell
  • lived in Baghdad prior to the invasion
  • Lebanon 2 weeks before the bombing
  • moving to Pakistan
  • thinks it's a real trouble spot
  • we pronounce things differently
  • 175 million people
  • nuculer weapons
  • Taliban is taking over more territory
  • possible could get control of nuculer weapons
    • maybe get fuel
  • war heads are secure
    • difficult to detonate
  • we could drop swine on them
    • they wouldn't expect it
  • not alot of leverage
  • U.S. policy to express concern; be worried
  • many news organizations have stopped reporting overseas
  • NBC is trying to redirect
  • just won a Peabody for coverage in Afghanistan
  • a little jealous
  • minimums to bring
    • steely dan poster
    • blowdryer
  • try and empathize with soldiers, try not to pretend to know more than they do
    • customary tip is one beer
  • speaks Arabic

May 4, 2009 CluesEdit


With the help of his guest J.J. Abrams, Dr. Colbert dropped clues for The Heroes to use their guts to figure out the answer.

May 6, 2009 GuessEdit


  • The Pentagon says the segment intro still gives away too much information
    • Stephen had a new theme song, graphic
  • The Press Your Luck Board
    • Saudi Arabia!
  • finally a country Dr. Colbert cares about
  • named after the House of Saud
    • similar to how Uruguay was named after a urologist who was guay
  • Saudi 7th most authoritarian country in the world
  • Riyadh
  • US has 284 deployed in Saudi Arabia
  • troops provide Saudi National Guard
  • video advice provided by persons station in the Gulf (somewhere)
  • Stephen has advice for them:
Please don't let anyone hurt him; he's an historical figure

June 1, 2009 GuessEdit

  • it is no secret The Report will be deploying to the Persian Gulf
    • theme now includes the lyrics "Definitely not Bahrain"
  • can show here in the ending of Superman
  • 1 of 7 countries
    • pick one using Press Your Luck Board
      • United Arab Emirates
  • formerly under British rule
    • 7 sheikdoms, including Texas, 'cuz Rick Perry will do anything to avoid taking stimulus money
  • for people who loved skiing, but want more florescent lights
  • known for architecture
  • when in Persian Gulf do as the Persians do
    • Sheik condoms (penis burqas)
    • XXL can be worn as galoshes
    • fund classroom projects
  • Support the troops and be popular at school

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