is part of's series on Socialistic, America-hating Ideas!

Welfare (medical condition)

  1. an addiction that afflicts only American urban areas[1].

Facts say that less than one percent of the federal budget is spent on welfare but, according to Stephen Colbert's gut, welfare is destroying this country because it takes up a massive amount of taxpayer money.


Welfare gives massive amounts of money to poor (read: lazy and stupid) people, allowing them to lead lives of luxury and taking away all incentive for them to work. Welfare queens generally drive Jaguars, eat caviar, and lay all day on mattresses stuffed solely with the feathers from a sparrow's chin. They are carried everywhere on palanquins by government workers who are paid by money taken from hardworking, industrious Americans like John Galt, Michelle Malkin, Joe the Plumber, and Stephen Colbert.


If you remove all of a family's means of sustenance, they will not die of starvation and/or sickness. This will only give them the incentive to use the infallible free market to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. As State Representative Cynthia Davis so brilliantly pointed out, hunger is a powerful motivator to get children to work. [1]

Government (The good kind that increases spending on the military and other gun-toting organizations, not the bad kind that gives money to the poor) scientists are pioneering the bootstrap principle as a method of creating flying super soldiers. By throwing them into active volcanoes, soldiers gain the incentive to learn how to fly.

Welfare According with The BibleEdit

LeftCherubLeftCherubIf you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come follow me … we’re going to wait till the poor fall asleep & then cut off their balls.RightCherubRightCherub
~ The Holy Bible, Matthew: 19:21



  1. And not corporations like some liberals would have you believe; corporations are good and clean.
    Remember that. Always, always remember that.

External TubesEdit

is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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