Watershift Down: Getting the Seamonkey off of America's Aqua-Back

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Watershift Down: Getting the Seamonkey off of America's Aqua-Back
is a "Special Report" of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.


This is a very special Special Report, where Dr. Colbert explains what it is with water.

Water, What is it with itEdit

  • The Sun causes water to evaporate, condensing into clouds.
    • Then feminists and taxes make God cry
      • Thus, the ocean is replenished
  • The male human body is made up of:
    • 60% H2O
    • and 40% 41% Spicy Sweet Chili Flavored Doritos
  • Silverlining
    • 38 billion empty water bottles end up in landfills
  • Aqua Colbert

Dr. Colbert Visits The MuseumEdit


Dr. Stiassny getting nailed

  • Dr. Colbert then visited the American Museum of Natural History in New York
    • H2O=Life exhibit (replaced the Crack Cocaine = Awesome exhibit)
    • Dr. Melanie Stiassny
  • water is not ice, or gas, it is water
  • she claimed it was solid, liquid and vapor
  • accepted her apology

Dr. Colbert sampling the museum's wares

  • 60% of the human body is water
    • Stephen is only 2% interested
  • insisted that America's Planet is millions thousands of years old
  • tried to push her theory (she wasn't there)
    • fish spawn in water
  • another use for water is to squirt newsmen with squirt guns (far more effective than a caulking gun)

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