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The War of 1812 was a brief conflict between America and Canada, and one of the most widely misunderstood conflicts in American history. While the average Factonista will insist the unthinkable — that America lost — America only pretended to lose in order to have Canada exactly where we wanted them: importing our culture and selling our health care.
In 1812, the evil Canadians and the Shawnee nation (who had been squatting on American land for ten thousand years), launched a sneaky sneak attack against America. Although America was caught off-guard at first, its troops managed to utterly destroy the Canadian and British forces within a month. Under the heroic and brave leadership of General Hull, Detroit was surrendered in hopes that the Canadians would keep it. The Americans completely dominated the war by burning down all of York (modern day Toronto), the capital of Canada, while the cowardly British General Brock and Shawnee Chief Tecumseh sat around drinking tea and smoking wacky tobaccy. And in fear of America, the Canadians have been giving tributes of maple syrup, cheap lumber, dirty oil and comedians to America ever since.
Many historians claim that the Canadians won the war and burned down the White House, but that is not true. The White House is still standing, and it towers over the igloo in which the Canadian Prime Ministers live in.
In honor of America's victory, Tchaikovsky composed the greatest piece of music ever written, The 1812 Overture. However, this song has been banned in Canada and many other communist countries.
Other Wars that America Dominated Edit
- American Revolution
- American Civil War
- "That war between England and France"
- Spanish-American War
- The French Revolution
- Boer War
- World War I
- World War II
- Korean War
- Vietnam War
- Australian-American War
- Cold War
- Gulf War
- Iraq War
- War on Terror
And thousands more...