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War On Thanksgiving

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Overview Edit

The War on Thanksgiving is second only to The War on Christmas in America's holiday wars. Angry at American independence, the British, the Canadians, the French, and various communist forces attempted to quickly conquer and destroy the United States. However, on November 23rd of 1800, the American army, led by George Washington and supported by turkeys, defeated all enemy invaders. Thus, the Americans celebrated November 23rd as Thanksgiving, and the turkeys sacrificed themselves to the Americans so that our ancestors may feast on the first ever Thanksgiving.

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The one day of the year when Spongebob is allegedly NOT GAY

History Edit

War started on November 23rd, 1800. America was invaded on three sides. The Canadians and British from the north, the French from underground, and communist forces from the south.

By the summer, the newly-formed American army, with the help of turkeys, fought off the invaders. In the autumn, America has won and the invaders were forced to sign the Treaty of Thanksgiving (later changed to the Treaty of Versailles). Signaling their surrender and making the historic day as the first Thanksgiving ever.

Canada, England, and other communist countries celebrate Thanksgiving on the first Monday of October. Though the reason for that date is officially unknown, rumours suggest that was the day when the first hippie was born.

Historic Battles Edit

  • Battle of New England - July 14th, 1800

In this battle, the Americans had utterly destroyed all British and most of the Canadian invaders coming in from Canada. The Americans also captured and destroyed tea supplies for British troops, lowering morale and forcing the British out of the war early.

  • Battle of New Orleans - September 29th, 1800

At the trenches outside of the city, the French were victims of a humiliating defeat. The American soldiers called out, "Louis!", and managed to shoot every French soldier when they stuck their head out of their trenches.

  • Battle of the day when one American family defeated all communist forces - October 3rd, 1800

Communist forces, made up of mostly illegal Cuban immigrants (like Scarface), landed at the Florida Keys in late spring. However, because of the superior quality of life in America, many Cubans tried to defect, and fought the remaining communist troops. In the end, the communists killed each other, and an American family settled in the Florida Keys the next day and planted the American flag.

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