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The Early YearsEdit
Vladimir Lenin was born in 1870. His birth name, Michael Moore, was given to him by his father, Alfred, who later left the family when Vladimir was five years old. It was apparent at an early age that Vladimir was a hot steamy shit stain on humanity. This caused his mother, Julia, to have to leave poor Vladimirfjmcjdjdjjjcjc home alone after school. His childhood as a latchkey kid played an important role in his later life as a Liberal.
His beginning came when he wrote a letter to God:
- Dear God,
- I'd like a new car. I also want a pony. And I'm tired of that barking dog down the street. Please smite it down.
- Please fix government totalitarianism.
- Vladimir Lenin
God's reply came a week later (there was a lot going on at the time for God) and read as follows:
- Dear Vladimir,
- Heaven helps those who help themselves.
And so it began. Thanks, God!
Lenin formed the famed rock band The Beatles in prison after a DWI arrest in Florida in 1892. The name 'The Beatles' was chosen because, at the time, Vladimir had a nest of pet beetles he was trying to sell. Unfortunately, though, because of his neglecting mother, Vladimir could not spell.
Thanks to modern medicine, Vladimir Lenin will never need to change facial expressions again! This advance in technology was brought on by $cientology spreading sciencey ideas to Soviet Russia, where ideas spread you. Unfortunately, the sciencey ideas spread Lenin so hard that his muscles froze. He has been kept resting on his back in a special bed until he recovers ever since. While he has been recuperating from the devastating spread of sciencey ideas - science is bad, kids! - Soviet Russia had a Cold War with America and froze its economy to death. It's just regular Russia now. Reportedly, Lenin was very angry when he heard this, but who can tell? Poor guy.