Hey, where the hell is
I don't care, it's not America...hey nice ass, lady!
Al Franken
Venezuela has earned

Here it is! An accurate representation of where Venezuela is. But you wouldn't ever care because - face it, what are you going to be doing in a place that's merely "harmless"? Go to the exciting resort location that is Iraq instead!

A country in one of America's continents that is run by its portly "democratically-elected" dictator Hugo Chavez and is mostly harmless[1] (nonehteless, if the Bush administration has taught us anything is that it's always better to prevent than to listen to a banana boat captain call you the devil). Venezuela is America's arch enemy and nothing coming from within its borders is beneficial for Americans (unless, of course, it has two legs and a Miss Universe band).


Venezuela is a feudal state, governed by Comandante Hugo Chavez, who serves as the nation's feudal lord, only congress member, only supreme court judge and who, on sundays, trains the Venezuelan "who-pees-the-farthest" national team.

Venezuela holds elections every 30 years. Candidates willing to serve as feudal lords have to prove advanced skills in several disciplines (such as tug of war and finger-fight). Later, the two strongest candidates are given the opportunity to finger-fight the previous feudal lord to see whether one of them is able to dethrone him/her by winning.

Under the goverment of Hugo Chavez, however, several changes have been made to the electoral process, making it harder for new candidates to seize power. Some of the most notorious changes made to the electoral process include: the rule that allows the feudal lord in power to choose a delegate to participate in the finger-fight contest for him/her and the rule that dictates that candidates aspiring for the position of feudal lord have to use their little finger when finger-fighting for power.


The Venezuelan culture is influential and strong (in Venezuela).

Venezuelan art can be traced back to the paleolithical era, when cave-men used to carve in stones scenes from their everyday surroundings and lives. This tradition continued to dominate Venezuelan art up to the end 1990s. With Hugo Chavez' rise to power all artists were banned from carving any image besides that of their supreme leader: Hugo Chavez. Nonetheless, there still is a huge underground scene of "free-carving".

Venezuelan diet is dominated by the consumption of petroleum-based foods and Coca-leafs exported from Bolivia. The national dish is called the "Pabellon", which is some sort of mix between "whatever you can find in the trash" and "petroleum spices".

Most Venezuelans speak Mexican, although few of them know how to write it. This fact has led to a slow development in Venezuelan literature.



Hugo Chavez in a prototype autogyrating attack flycycle.

  • Venezuela has developed unmanned spy blimp technology!
    • America must now arm itself against an onslaught of Dirigibles del Diablo by installing mosquito netting above its border fences.
  • Venezuela is in the early stages of developing autogyrating attack flycycles.


  1. Except for Hugo Chavez and assorted followers

This article is not a stub. It is a perfect and complete source of Truthiness that cannot be improved upon. If it ain't broke don't f#@k with it. You will get a Wag of the Finger* from Stephen if you attempt to change it.
*Wag of the Finger not guaranteed.

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