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Vegans are proof that bi-partisan compromise is possible. Everyone, from Dr. Stephen Colbert, DFA, to the most Godless, liberal supporting, Darwin hugging, gay married, bear lover thinks vegans are annoying, holier-than-thou idiots. Even Vegitarians can't stand vegans.

Vegans are so aggravating, an Amish man will steal a sports car and drive a thousand miles to punch one in the face. Mentioning their very existence makes Mormons and Muslim terrorists get blasted on grain alcohol. If a Jew sees a vegan in a restaraunt and the only meat on the menu is pork, he will eat it just to piss them off.

Veganism itself is a heresy that teaches that the dear sweet Lord little baby Jesus was evil for handing out fish to feed His followers, that He was evil to suckle from His mother's breast, and that exerting dominion over animals is, somehow, a bad thing. It was first devised by some Indian guy (dot, not feather) so that India (which is already hot as shit) would be even more like hell. It's main adherent was Hitler. Yeah Hitler. Apparently we aren't enlightened enough to hang with the likes of people who follow the path of Hitler.

Ve-Gan also means "homosexual eater of newborns" in Hebrew. ( See Michael Jackson )

What do they look like?

They look nothing like you and me.

Vegans have gaunt bodies, yellow zit covered skin, and are often less intelligent for lack of protein.

Often on the extreme sides of color, usually either chalk-white or bronzed. Sporting extreme facial hair is common among both male and female vegans. Only long beards containing live bee nests are more popular than an "upper-lip bikini strip." The best way to spot vegans is to listen for their smell, but remember, they are NOT hippies.


Vegan culture is a complicated mixture of magical rituals and liberal political activism.

Vegans are known supporters of PETA. They are all, therefore, PETAphiles.

Vegans actually believe bears, werewolves and houseflies have rights. They also side with vampire bats, mosquitos and leeches against real live human beings. Since those last three animals suck, this proves that vegans themselves suck.

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is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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