ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

An American icon. Unlike his brother Sam, who just pointed at you and told you to join the army. No, Uncle Colbert stays home and deals with the threats down here: the Democrats, bears, and the Blame America First Crowd.

Uncle Stephen works hard to keep these things from taking over America. He also deals with gay marriage, Lou Dobbs, and FEMA. He's the only thing protecting you from terrorist attacks.

So even though you don't know it, Uncle Stephen has got your back. And he's got a huge bat to get the bad people to go away. If we sent Uncle Stephen over to Iraq we would have caught Saddam and Bin Laden in three days. Then, he would go on a rampage into Iran, then bring sweet American Democracy to China.

Go Uncle Stephen and God Bless America!

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