Trees do NOT exist. Just like a balanced budget, they are imaginary. They are just liberal propaganda, and are used to berate Republicans and act as false and/or sexual idols for environmentalists (who are also knwon as tree huggers)
Liberals want to convince everyone that trees exist so they can pass environmental acts which hurt our economy and help the terrorists win.
What Are "Trees"? Edit
Liberals back their argument up with "biology" and "scientific data," but do not use their guts or the Bible at all.
Curiously, trees are mentioned in the Bible. But only as abstract or metaphorical tools to underline Jesus' teachings.
Is A Tree The Same As A Bush? Edit
NO!! Don't be stupid! Bushes are noble heroes who defend America against terrorists and bears. If trees did exist (which they don't) they would simply stand by as the terrorists pillaged America. It's true - trees are the make-believe version of Switzerland.
Evergreens: The Communist Trees Edit
While all trees are liberal and vile nature, certain trees are worse than others, namely the communist trees known as Evergreens. Why are they communist, you ask? Because unlike most trees, who at least have the courtesy of losing all their leaves for part of the year so people don't have to put up with them, Evergreens choose to redistribute their leaves across the seasons, not unlike socialist countries like Europe and Canada and full-blown communist countries like Russia and California. Also, evergreens like to hang out in cold, snowy areas, areas not unlike the communist gulags in Siberia!!!!!! If you see an Evergreen, get indoors and alert the authorities.
How God Defeated the Trees Edit
Despite Evergreens being both Trees and Communists, why do we let them into our homes every December 25th to celebrate the birth of Jesus? Because thanks to Jesus, we don't need to worry about trees anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, global warming did exist at one time, but this was a very different kind of global warming than the kind that modern Liberals use to scare us decent folk. This global warming was an act of God to prevent trees from taking over the globe. You see, the liberals were right when they said that 75% of the Earth was once covered by forests; what they didn't tell you is how dangerous that really was. All this took place in the year 0 B.C. on Dec 25th, where a vulnerable mankind eagerly awaited the birth of Baby Jesus. This is when the trees, lead by an army of Ents from Middle Earth, awoke and marched on society. God had no choice; to save the baby Jesus, God Warmed the globe to 10,000,000,000,001˚F, torching all the trees and Ents, at the cost of half a million human lives. But in the midst of the smoldering rubble, the Baby Jesus emerged. The war against the trees was finally over. Now, every December 25th, we bring a liberal dressed like a fearsome evergreen tree into our homes and throw lights around him to symbolize the great fire that saved the souls of all humanity, except for Liberals, who have no soul.
Proof Trees Don't ExistEdit
If you want proof that trees are imaginary, simply travel to Easter Island or the Moon. Then answer this question: do you see any trees? You don't, do you! That's because they don't exist! Other areas of the world might be filled with trees, but in all cases they are just one of the following:
- Liberals in suits, trying to push their evil agenda.
- Indigenous pre-industrial people in suits, patiently and cunningly hunting for animals to eat.
- Artificial trees, which were created by mad liberal scientists for offices and malls, but have since escaped into the wild.
- Mexicans dressed as trees attempting to sneak across the border and take our jobs!
- Soldiers dressed in camouflage hunting terrorists.