Toronto Maple Leafs

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Stastny Yan
Toronto Maple Leafs
is Hockey-related
making it un-American
Toronto Maple Leafs
is too Canadian, speak American, eh.

The last time Toronto won the Stingley Cup. Note two things from this photo: (1) It is an old ass photo! After all, it was taken in 1967, and (2) Note how young and skinny the Stingley Cup was back then. It was more like Young Elvis. Now it more resembles Fat Elvis.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are a member of the NHL and are the most liberal and godless non-bear related hockey team of all time. This isn't to say that there isn't a link between the Leafs and bears, just that it hasn't been proven.... Yet. Their success is measured by Stingley Cups won in the last 41 years, in which case, the New Orleans Saints are technically as good a hockey team. Their fans wail on and on about how they haven't won the Stingley Cup since 1967, and how they will never, ever taste glory again.

They would benefit greatly from Stephen Colbert's support, but they are godless liberals so they won't get it... they really need that Stingley Cup, and they need a wall of truthiness over their net/goal to do so... also... Sundin needs a boost of truthiness, to make him strong enough to lead them to victory... maybe Stephen should give him the heart of a bear to eat... who knows... might make him vicious enough.

However, since they are Canadian, Stephen Colbert would rather make sweet, sweet love to a gay bear rather than help the Maple Leafs. In addition, the Maple Leafs mascot, named Carlton, is a bear, which makes the Toronto Maple Leafs nearly as bad as the evil Boston Bruins. Lose the bear and move to the United States, and maybe Colbert will pick up the cause.


Mats SundinEdit

Mats Sundin is an NHL hockey player who plays for, and is the captain of, the Toronto Maple Leafs. During the offseason he regularly saves orphans from burning buildings.

He is also known as "Swedish God". His favourite meal is a tuna melt with a side salad.

In 2009, after more than tens months away from hockey on a world tour saving above mentioned orphans, Mats ("the bear", as he is affectionately known in his homeland of Sweden) Sundin returned to the NHL as a member of those godless killing machines, the Vancouver Canucks, only to relinquish his captaincy to serve their evil mastermind, Roberto Luongo.

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