Tom DeLay's Farewell Speech (political statement)
Mr. Speaker, political careers tend to end in one of three ways: defeat, death or retirement. (But first chichi!) I rise today to bid farewell to this House under the happiest of the available options. (Indictment) What a castle of hope this building is, this institution is for the people of the world. (Of corporate lobbying) In preparing for today, I found that it is customary in speeches such as these to reminisce about the good old days of political harmony and across-the-aisle camaraderie, (The 1880’s) and to lament the bitter, divisive partisan rancor that supposedly now weakens our democracy. (What’s left of it) Well, I can't do that because partisanship is not a symptom of democracy's weakness but of its health and its strength, (Like an affair can strengthen a marriage) especially from the perspective of a political conservative. Liberalism, after all, whatever you may think of its merits, (Hotter girls) is a political philosophy with a voracious appetite for growth.In any place or any time on any issue, what does liberalism ever seek? (Submissive candidates for electoral bondage?) More -- more government, more taxation, more control over people's lives. (Separate glass from plastic!) If conservatives don't stand up to liberalism, no one will. (Except Joe Lieberman) Had liberals not fought us tooth and nail those of us on this side of the aisle could only imagine all the additional things we could have accomplished. (Harvesting organs from the poor?) The point is, we disagree. And so we debate. Here on the House floor, we debate in committees, we debate on television and on radio and on the Internet and in the newspapers (In a box with a fox) and then every two years, we have a huge debate. (On Gay Marriage) And then in November, we see who won. (Diebold) It is not the principled partisan, however obnoxious he may seem to his opponents, (Pretty damn obnoxious) who degrades our public debate, but the preening, self-styled statesman who elevates compromise to a first principle.For the true statesman are not defined by what they compromise, but by what they don't. (Absolutely no bills large that a $20) Here on this floor, I have caught and thrown spears of every sort. (Both pitcher and catcher) I have done so at all times honorably and honestly, Mr. Speaker, and if given the chance to do it all again, there's only one thing I would change: (The Constitution) I would fight even harder. (Against conspiracy charges) Because believe it or not, Mr. Speaker, this is a happy day for me. (Don’t believe it) And so with love and gratitude I yield back the floor of our beloved House. (Floor needs a little mopping)
Tom DeLay's Farewell Speech was The Wørd for June 12, 2006.