Toby Keith
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
American Eagle Flagsmall
Stephen from Knox
Toby Keith
performs "Red State Anthems"
in Texas and eventually Heaven--Hallelujah!!!

Toby Keith!

You've got dog balls!

Flag quote open clear2
You’ll be sorry that you messed with

The U.S. of A.
`Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass

It`s the American way
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~ Toby Keith
Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue

Despite his feminine appearance, Mr. Keith does everything a Real American Man does but he does it while his boot is in someone's ass.


Toby is at Level 3 on the Godly American chart.

Toby Keith is an American country & western musician. He is equally proficient in both the country and the western genres. He wears a size-14 extra-wide cowboy boot, is Built Ford Tough, and emits a pungent man-musk only rivaled in strength by Matthew McConaughey. Despite evidence to the contrary: his blonde highlights, his refusal to admit that he wouldn't kick Natalie Maines out of bed for talking treason about the President, and his membership in the band The Village People, he ain't no homo queer!

On the November 14, 2005 episode of The Report, Stephen expressed the hope that when Osama bin Laden is caught, Toby be allowed to put a boot up his ass. However, after Greatest President George W. Bush expressed publicly that bin Laden didn't concern him all that much, Toby had to settle for putting his boot up the ass of Saddam Hussein's corpse. It was reported to still be extremely satisfying.

On the same episode, Stephen also predicted that Toby's song "As Good As I Once Was" would win at the 2005 Country Music Association awards for Song Of The Year. Stephen almost called it: "As Good As I Once Was" won Music Video of The Year.

However, Toby Keith has been declared a Threat Down for narcing on Willie Nelson.


On October 19, 2006, Keith proudly posted on his website that "Toby Keith Plays With His Guitar And Spews Forth An Amerigasm Of Song About Ford Trucks," thus firing the latest salvo in the Ford-Chevy Truck Wars.

His new song, "I Am A Workin' Man," was written to counter the challenge posed by John Mellencamp's "This Is Our Country," written for Chevy trucks. After writing the song, Toby proceeded to stick an eagle up John Mellencamp's ass.

Toby Keith's BootsEdit

Cowboy boots

These boots are made for kickin'.

Toby Keith's boots have been specially designed for asskicking. A miracle of modern scientifical engineering, these boots are covered in millions of microscopic backwards-facing poison-tipped barbs, that, once lodged deep in the tissues of the lower intestine, cause catastrophic internal damage once removed. In addition to that, on the heel of the boot is a razor sharp spur prepared to literally tear a terrorist a new asshole in a blink of Toby's eye. Inside the boot heel itself is a voice-activated atomic-napalm charge with a payload of about 1 megaton of TNT. To date, the streets have run red with the blood of the islamo-fascists in no less than 5 Al-Qaeda in Iraq strongholds as part of Operation Asshole Ripper. Luckily, they're self-cleaning too. Yeehaw!

His boots also allow for him to achieve great understanding between the races.


"I Am A Workin' Man"Edit

Music and Lyrics by Toby Keith

I gotta get up early
I gotta be on time
I've got to go bust it
Man, I got to go get mine,
I am that kinda guy.....
And I want a piece of that American pie

I put a lot of sweat
Into the job at hand
You can count on me
I am a .... workin' man!!!!

So when it's quitting time
And you've had enough
I'm still good to go, baby
Cuz I'm Built Ford Tough

"High Maintenance Woman"Edit

High Maintenance Woman received the only five-star song review ever given by Stephen Colbert

iTunes Review By Stephen ColbertEdit

Quote open clear3 As Good As He Once Was! ★★★★★
by The Actual Stephen Colbert
This song is based on a true story.
The name of that story? "This song rocks!" by Stephen Colbert.
Toby Keith speaks for, and, more importantly, to me.
Thank you, Sir.
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~Stephen Colbert


Photographic proof of Stephen's review.

July 28, 2008 NailingEdit


  • sat at the C-Desk for the interview
  • gives beer to his horse
  • movie based on song and video
  • Southern comedy
    • co-wrote movie Beer For My Horses
      • nothing rhymes
  • Hollywood actors act like they love America



  • Toby is a Ford truck man.
  • Toby re-established the fact that putting boots in people's asses, or bunker busters in their hospitals, offices, neighboring countries, or schools is the American way.
  • His album Big Dog Daddy received the Colbert Bump after his appearance on the show. The album became #1 on the Billboard charts.
  • He says he's a Democrat, yet he doesn't like John Kerry. What a Good Boy.
  • Believes Barack Obama is the greatest candidate since Bill Clinton. What a Bad Boy!
  • listening to any of his albums does not make one gay!

Al Franken
Toby Keith has earned
Scandals?! What scandals?!
Bush says lose yourself
to the beat of
Toby Keith
Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
Toby Keith

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