Helen Thomas
Tim Russert
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy

NBC met diversity quotas by hiring a pumpkin-head to host one of their shows

Real name: Judas Russert will be interviewing Ronald Reagan's Ghost after retiring suddenly from Meet The Press on June 13, 2008.

The pumpkin-headed host of "Meet The Press" until his retirement, Tim Russert, possessed an evil, piercing gaze. While quite unnerving to his guests, this had no effect whatsoever on the "softball" theme of his show.

Jon Stewart thought Russert allowed himself to be used as an easily controllable tool and White House propaganda spreader. As a result of the revelations about him at Scooter Libby's trial, Russert, always the patriot, risked being hired by FOX for being more controllable by Vice President Cheney than by NBC.

Mtp cheney war 060910.300w

VP Dick Cheney performing his patriotic duty of nailing Russert during an interview.


  • Scooter Libby outed Tim Russert as the one who really exposed CIA agent Valerie Plame.

  • Hated Hardball host Chris Matthews. Probably because the title of Matthews' show reminded Russert that he was just the opposite, a big softball thrower with a disturbing glare.

  • Loved receiving complaints about Chris Matthews from politicians. Showing sympathy for offended politicians got him access that only Geraldo Rivera had previously enjoyed.
  • Shamelessly appeared at Lewis Libby's trial with a pair of crutches, to generate sympathy for himself.
  • Nailed by true patriot Irena Briganti for being a doofus.
  • Ordered by NBC execs to interview presidential candidate Ron Paul and try to make him look foolish, so the planned drop in poll numbers could be justified. As expected, Congressman Paul expertly fielded every question and accusation from Neo-con shill Russert.
  • Banned Arianna Huffington from appearing on NBC and MSNBC, for calling him a "convential wisdom zombie" in her book, thereby dispelling that rumor about Keith Olbermann being in charge of MSNBC. It is not clear whether or not this ban has now been lifted, due to Russert's sudden retirement.
  • Was fearful of being labeled a liberal by Fox News. Timmeh's reputation is much more important than ratings or money.
  • Enjoyed cheeseburgers with extra bacon, and lots and lots of greasy fries.
  • Did not enjoy exercise, because it took too much time away from the work he loved so much.

External TubesEdit

Bill Moyers confronts Russert on being a Propaganda Spreader

Meet The Press Front Page

Timmeh's Book Wisdom of Our Fathers now available in paperback, used for 44 cents!

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