Threat Standdown - Just like the Threat Down, the Threat Standdown is an alert system that informs our viewers (as well as platinum members) in the latest updates on threats.

Unlike the Threat Down, it is not an emergency broadcast to infuse fear into our population on the latest attacks against America. Instead, it is a broadcast message downsizing the nature of an emergency threat that may not have been so menacing after all. That way we dont have to issue an apology to the public for our broadcasting mistake (and no liabilities).


The Threat Standdown

List of Threat StanddownsEdit

Jihad MonkeysEdit

It has come to our attention that Monkeys cannot operate complex killing machinery like guns. According with Monkey Scientist, William Mason, monkeys can only be trained to a limited set of monkey skills like:


Dr. Mason:
Expert on Monkeys

  • turning off lights
  • opening faucets
  • smoking
  • riding dogs
  • washing cats
  • roller skating
  • ice dancing
  • making oolong noodles
  • motor crossing
  • karate
  • computer hacking

Murdering with advance weaponry is still a human privilege.

See AlsoEdit

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