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The most important element in a civil war is that all participants wear either blue or gray.

For example, the situation in Iraq is not a civil war. It is, in fact, an unacceptable level of sectarian violence between people of the same nationality and country within regions that have been defined as civilly controlled but not within the parameters of things that aren’t civil wars.

The American Civil War was the war that helped shape America.

It lasted between 1861-1865 and was fought between Southern Republicans who loved their Heritage (but not their history) and the bear-worshiping liberals who didn't love either, wanted to occupy the South, keep slaves, get off the gold standard and take God out of the Constitution, out of the schools and off the money.

It was clear to every one of America's allies that the liberals must be stopped.

The War in 4 minutes.


The civil war was a massive, worldwide, cataclysmic event that led to the foundation of Freedom in America, the beginning of the end for the Democrats, the end of the beginning for the Jews, and the start of America's crusade to spread freedom to the world. During the war, the Stupid British tried to help the enemy by sneaking in supplies of tobbaco for the enemy, since the enemy was highly addicted to cigarettes, leading Abraham Lincoln to start the world's first anti-smoking campaign.

Origin of ConflictEdit

Sides of Conflict Edit

There was a good side and a bad side. The North and the South. Us and the enemy. Some historians refer to the enemy as the "Confederacy" but this is just a pack of lies - there was no confederation, only a bunch of gays, gypsies and British sympathizers who loosely coordinated - nothing.

Military Tactics Edit

Consisted primarily of the North throwing the billions upon trillions of men against well fortified enemy positions. This tactic was largely successful in that it won the war but "dead men can advance no further" so was quite useless when the bloody bastard enemy had guns, which they often did. Southern tactics consisted of standing your ground and waiting for their opponents. Cowards.

Coalition of the ConfederacyEdit

The half-bear liberals of South Carolina decided to be total asses to the first-ever Republican President, Abraham Lincoln, so they left the United States of America to form their own country, the "Land of Liberal Pussies and Bears". The Republican citizens were blindfolded and thrown into closets. The liberals were pissed because they were told they couldn't have slaves anymore. Abe Lincoln told them to go fuck themselves, so they left the Union. Then, more states wanted to join the "Land of Liberal Pussies and Bears", so the liberals said, "Come on in! There's enough pussy-liberalism to go around!" Soon they changed their name to The Confederate States of America. And so a war began between two countries that were pretty much the same thing, just with different names. Both sides were America. It was pretty fuckin' ridiculous.

The Yankee InsurgencyEdit

Fort Sumter: The Civil War's 9/11Edit

The start of the war happened when some brave Americans decided to stay Americans and held out in South Carolina. The rebels attacked but the fort held out. The brave patriots were starved and had no ammo. The great Abraham Lincoln tried to help but couldn't get supplies out in time. The brave patriots had to surrender. The rebels then thought they could win.

Staying the CourseEdit

At AntietamEdit

At FredricksburgEdit

At ChancellorsvilleEdit

At GettysburgEdit

Sherman's Invasion and Occupancy of AtlantaEdit

General Robert E. Lee's Capture and SurrenderEdit

General Grant Showered with Flowers and WhiskeyEdit

Staying The Course After The WarEdit

See main article: Confederate Memorial Day

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

World War 0  | World War I  | World War II  | World War III
The War of Northern Aggression  | Cold War  | Korean War  | Vietnam War
The French Revolution  | War of 1812  | American-Indian War  | American-Mexican War  | American-Spanish War
War On Terror  | Gulf War  | Operation Iraqi Freedom  | War On Iran
War On Christmas  | Easter Under Attack  | The War On The Fourth Of July  | War on Monkeys  | The Cola Wars  | War on The Free Market  | The War To Christmasize Israel  | War of The Internets Tubes  | War On Science
War On The Middle Class  | The War Against The Gayification of American Children  | War On Drugs  | War On Poverty