The Fourth of JulyEdit
The Fourth of July is the most beloved holiday of all true Americans, and the Baby Jesus(after Christmas and Easter of course) ranking up there with John Birch's birthday, Joe McCarthy's Bar Mitzvah, and the anniversary of Custer's glorious victory at the Little Bighorn. Like all of the rest of us real Americans, the good folk of Seattle had planned to spend the day at a toxic waste site, drinking booze and watching things blow up, all paid for by the J.P. Morgan and Chase Co. Now there are some real nice people.
Why Would Anyone Want To Attack America's Birthday?Edit
While it is impossible to fully understand why anyone would want to desecrate the most sacred American holiday with a cowardly and scurrilous assault, this is exactly what the forces of evil have planned for Seattle, at Gasworks park, in regard to the Chase Family Fourth of July Fireworks display, taking place on a "remediated" toxic waste site. (Don't worry, the "supposedly" cancer causing chemicals are covered up by some dirt, and what real American believes in Cancer anyway? That's a disease Communists get from being so un-American) Who needs pesky environmental laws that threaten our right to drink beer, blow things up, and have our children frolic in toxic waste? What harm can some benzene or other chemicals you can't even see do? If Madame Curie were alive today, she'd have a thing or two to say to the Seattle 1. Why it is a well accepted truthiness that 4 out of 5 corporate funded doctors have concluded that a little bit of cancer is good for you!
As we were hard at work icing our imported beer and buying Chinese M-80s from the local Native Americans to celebrate our glorious national holiday, Satans minions, in the form of one lone citizen, who has the impertinence not to even be a lawyer or a godfearing corporate bootlicker, were surreptitiously and cravenly plotting their dastardly assault.
And can you believe the pinko blather that was projected in court to assail or glorious national orgy of pyrotechnic ordinance? Some lies that the environment might be damaged, some cute little birdies or fishies might be scared, or that children playing in thinly covered toxic waste might not be a good idea, and that some pinko judge in a fruity robe should just declare this to be the soviet union and ban the 4th of July-and probably Christmas and Easter to boot. Let me tell you brother, that if they thought that way back in 1776, we'd still be speaking English in this country today.
Just for the record, the Chase Family 4th Website http://www.chasefamily4th.org/ has an American Flag and the Statue of Liberty on it. How much more patriotic and American can you get? (Maybe an Eagle?) For shame, Mr. "My Kids will get cancer from toxic waste" Schroeter. Wake up and smell the benzene!
How Americans Can Help Defeat These Hate America Firsters?Edit
This has got to stop! If citizens like the "Seattle 1"-who don't even have the common decency to be lawyers-get it into their minds that they can go to court and question our government and the corporations like Chase that suckle from its bounteous toxic ta-tas no one will be safe. Did George Washington stand on a stump in Cambridge and proclaim liberty through the nose of a lawyer? I think not! He was the richest man in America, and proud of it. And he got that way by marrying a rich widow. Now there is a true American who knew how to make sacrifices for his country. Yet all of these great traditions are endangered by the antics of citizens like the Seattle patriotism bandit and their litigious shenanigans.
However, the good news is that the people at the Washington State Bar Association have their big brotherish eye on all those pesky citizens like the Seattle 1 who may dare to question the righteousness of J.P. Morgan, the Chase Corporation, the City of Seattle, or other governmental actions. And without paying an attorney!!!
As three (conveniently unidentified or misidentified as a former State Supreme Court judicial assistant) Weyerhaeuser attorneys (who apparently may have had the procedural pants beat off of them by a pair of ordinary citizens, in a case involving a toxic waste site that the tree god Weyerhaeuser wanted to use for a logyard) write in the article located at http://www.wsba.org/media/publications/barnews/pro+se.htm
"The Washington State Bar Association could increase awareness of vexatious pro se activities by keeping a database of pro se activities. Although the Bar Association has no oversight over pro se activities, it can help attorneys and the courts deal with vexatious litigants by keeping track of the cases they file, the grounds of those cases, and the ultimate disposition of those cases. Such information would be invaluable in establishing the kind of pattern of abusive practice necessary to support aggressive injunctive relief against future filings."
So the next time Mr. "Save the environment" dares to show his children loving and tree hugging face in court, presuming to question the righteousness of those government officials and corporations he should bow in craven submission to, or attempting to prevent us from exercising our god-given rights to expose our children to toxic waste, the chances are that the Washington Bar Association's Commissars of Correctness will have his number and be waiting for him with aggressive relief, rubber hoses, and a proactive electroshock program to drive those un-American thoughts right out of his mind. Those lawyers will show him how not to be "vexatious" all right. Lawyers are experts at making people feel good by their kind and courteous acts, and are not vexatious at all. That's what they go to law school for, to learn how to be polite and caring so everyone will love them.
All of us heroes can surely rest in peace that the Bar's Commissars of Correctness are at work to put paid to presumptuous citizens like the Seattle 1 in the State of Washington. And that if we ever have the opportunity to travel to Seattle or Olympia, that our children will never lack for "remediated" toxic waste sites to play in. God bless America!!!
How Will We Know When We've Won?Edit
The American jihad to protect ourselves, our holidays, our corporations and our toxic waste sites from the mean spirited America haters like anyone who might dare to question what government thinks is correct-especially in court-will not be complete until all those commie pinkos are so awed by our American freedoms that they won't dare show their faces in public, let alone in a courthouse-even with a liberal pansy lawyer gabbing on about civil rights or the environment, little birdies, or some other commie nonsense. Then it will be time for baby Jesus to return, and no one will be able to sue him to prevent the rapture.
So make sure to watch your neighbors carefully for signs of courthouse attendance and related Satanic Pinko anti-Americanism, and report them regularly to your local chapter of the KKK or Bar Association, whichever group it is in your town that wears white sheets and conducts political pogroms to ensure that the American way of life is not endangered by creeping socialism in the form of citizens going to court to question the acts of our god given government and corporations.
When we look out the windows at 3:00 A.M. and see our neighbors watching us for the same reason, while they knot their lynching ropes, we'll know we've won.
Some Irrelevant UntruthinessEdit
The "War on the 4th of July" chronicled the attempt by Ben Schroeter to require the City of Seattle conduct an environmental review prior to holding "The Chase family 4rth", sponsored by that fine "family" Corporation, JP Morgan Chase & Co., who, according to KING-TV , will pick up the tab this Fourth of July for the Lake Union fireworks show that Washington Mutual sponsored before its bankruptcy. The New York-based company took over WaMu last September, after its stock price fell so low it had to be expressed in bottle caps.
The funding for one of the biggest fireworks shows in the nation had been in question, and Chase’s announcement came as welcome news to the hundreds of thousands who take in one of Seattle’s two spectacular Independence Day displays, especially the non-profit One Reel company that just announced the one-year deal.
Mr. Schroeter, who had previously nixed a planned event at the same park by one reel, found the news not so welcome, due to concerns about the effect of the planned festivities on gasworks park, which is a "remediated" toxic waste site. under Washington State law, (MTCA) remediation of Toxic Waste sites is expedited, and after removal of a portion of carcinogenic waste, and the sprinkling of some dirt on top to Cap it, its all set for use as a park for children to play in. Children playing in toxic waste is big business in the State of Washington. In nearby Olympia, (the capitol of Washington State for those of you in the "other Washington" challenged majority) there is even a project to put a Hands On Children's museum on another Toxic Waste site next to a sewage treatment plant. Take that you liberal pinko toxic panickmongers! Real Americans aren't scared of invisible mythical substances like dioxin that only exist in the minds of anti-American liberal commie stooges like the Seattle 1.
In any case the celebration is Seattle will be called The Chase Family Fourth, and festivities kick off Saturday July 4 at noon "with family activities throughout the Gas Works Park grounds", food vendors catering to the most diverse palates, and a beer garden with a lake view. ( It is hoped that the portion of the park still fenced off as too contaminated for use is not included in the program. Gas Works was once the site of a coal-to-gas plant, which left behind a toxic stew that has caused the park to close several times over the years. In 1984, hazard-testing crews with the Environmental Protection Agency showed up wearing disposable rubber gloves, boots and face respirators. The city later closed the park for five months) The evening programming begins at approximately 10 PM, with a fireworks show created by master pyrotechnic designer, Eric Tucker of Pyro Spectaculars. Official City of Seattle statements make no mention as to whether RACAL suits and respirators will be issued to the celebrants.
As the City of Seattle states... "We're proud to welcome Chase as the Title Sponsor of the 2009 Family 4th at Lake Union! Once hailed by TIME Magazine as one of the "Top Five Fireworks Displays" in the country, this free admission, family-friendly celebration is in its 21st year of bringing together the local community on our nation's birthday for a unique day of commemoration."
In imitation of the Coverage by our glorious leader, the dastardly assault by "The Seattle 1" on all that is good about America was the subject of a lesser media feeding frenzy, (see below)including a Shrammie. (ie a mock award from KOMO News' Ken Schram, a true hero).
- Seattle Weekly
- Seattle Weekly
- Seattle Times
- Significantly the Komo Article referrs to SEPA (the State Environmental Policy Act) as the "Solar Energy Power Association", as all good Americans should.
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