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|The War Against The Gayification of American Children|
|Our Side:||God-fearing heterosexuals|
|Our Commander||Jesus Christ, The Greatest President Ever, Stephen Colbert|
|Our Strength||Larger army, truthiness, Matthew McConaughey|
|Their Side||the Liberal Media, the gays|
|Their Strength||Sense of style, cleanliness, dancing|
|Casualties||Mr. Rogers, Thundercats|
The War Against The Gayification of American Children is an ongoing incursion by the gays on our children. Their goal is to get America's youngest generation "batting for the other team" from an early age.
It all started in 1986, during the halcyon days of The Second Greatest President Ever. During the confusion of the Iran-Contra Affair, Pee Wee Herman emerged as Satan's handmaiden and instigated the war by exposing America's kids to his manic, effeminate mannerisms.
Herman was later given a dishonorable discharge after dishonorably discharging himself to a video featuring a woman. He was replaced by Barney, with that purple Teletubby filling in when the giant fruity dinosaur had to go back to San Francisco to visit his husband.
Our Weapons Edit
- Hot hetero sex: providing us with an endless supply of tiny new recruits
- Prayer: our main communication means to divine help from The Baby Jesus
The Gays Weapons Edit
- Slapjitzu: a martial art characterized by pulling hair and slapping
- Fruity Anne Gedes baby outfits: sold to naive mothers, but really a means of gayifying kids from an early age
With Us Edit
- Stephen Colbert
- The Greatest President Ever
- Rush Limbaugh
- Bill Frist
- The Republican Party
Dick Cheney- status currently under review
Against Us Edit
- The Democratic Party
- Ellen Degeneres - the leader of the campaign on crazy blond girls
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- Ourselves the heteros via over populating and using hate against people who are not like us in joining in the over consumption of our natural resources.
What came first , the chicken or the egg? I say the "hetero" exposed the first person to gay acts to another creating the phenomina then kept it secret to avoid the other heteros from persecuting themselves. There is no such thing as straight, period.