The War Against The Gayification of American Children
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report The War Against The Gayification of American Children to the authorities.
The War Against The Gayification of American Children
is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!

The War Against The Gayification of American Children
Date: 1986
Place: USA
Result: conflict ongoing
Our Side: God-fearing heterosexuals
Our Commander Jesus Christ, The Greatest President Ever, Stephen Colbert
Our Strength Larger army, truthiness, Matthew McConaughey
Their Side the Liberal Media, the gays
Their Commander Satan
Their Strength Sense of style, cleanliness, dancing
Casualties Mr. Rogers, Thundercats

The War Against The Gayification of American Children is an ongoing incursion by the gays on our children. Their goal is to get America's youngest generation "batting for the other team" from an early age.

Background Edit

It all started in 1986, during the halcyon days of The Second Greatest President Ever. During the confusion of the Iran-Contra Affair, Pee Wee Herman emerged as Satan's handmaiden and instigated the war by exposing America's kids to his manic, effeminate mannerisms.

Herman was later given a dishonorable discharge after dishonorably discharging himself to a video featuring a woman. He was replaced by Barney, with that purple Teletubby filling in when the giant fruity dinosaur had to go back to San Francisco to visit his husband.

Armaments Edit

Our Weapons Edit

  • Hot hetero sex: providing us with an endless supply of tiny new recruits
  • Prayer: our main communication means to divine help from The Baby Jesus

The Gays Weapons Edit

  • Slapjitzu: a martial art characterized by pulling hair and slapping
  • Fruity Anne Gedes baby outfits: sold to naive mothers, but really a means of gayifying kids from an early age

With Us Edit

Against Us Edit

World War 0  | World War I  | World War II  | World War III
The War of Northern Aggression  | Cold War  | Korean War  | Vietnam War
The French Revolution  | War of 1812  | American-Indian War  | American-Mexican War  | American-Spanish War
War On Terror  | Gulf War  | Operation Iraqi Freedom  | War On Iran
War On Christmas  | Easter Under Attack  | The War On The Fourth Of July  | War on Monkeys  | The Cola Wars  | War on The Free Market  | The War To Christmasize Israel  | War of The Internets Tubes  | War On Science
War On The Middle Class  | The War Against The Gayification of American Children  | War On Drugs  | War On Poverty

  • Ourselves the heteros via over populating and using hate against people who are not like us in joining in the over consumption of our natural resources.

What came first , the chicken or the egg? I say the "hetero" exposed the first person to gay acts to another creating the phenomina then kept it secret to avoid the other heteros from persecuting themselves. There is no such thing as straight, period.

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