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The Roman Empire

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PHCollegeLogoSMALL
Croatia pope
Guernica
To achieve the proper education,
"The Roman Empire"
provides All The History You Need To Know.
Liberace
SmilinTedHaggard
Despite what you may have heard
The Roman Empire
Is totally not gay!


The Roman Empire (in existence from 45 B.C. to 476 A.D.) was the ancient world's United States of America. Not much is known about the history of this Empire except that their great Republican democracy and dominant military were destroyed by homosexuals. Thus America must learn from the Romans mistakes by not allowing gays in the military to reveal themselves. Unless they want to see enemy prisoners naked, that's all good clean fun.

Rise and Fall of the Roman EmpireEdit

Rome came in just like America. Fighting. You see, two brothers named Remus and Romulus (two totally badass names) decided to found a big city in the name of Stephen Colbert. But what happened was that Remus got a big head and claimed he was more truthy than Stephen Colbert. Romulus killed Remus for this blasphemy and Stephen let him name the city Rome.

Next, Rome expanded by conquering various liberal and communist European states.

Life in the EmpireEdit

What have the Romans ever done for us01:22

What have the Romans ever done for us

What has the big government like the Roman Empire ever done for us?

The Romans spoke Latin. Historical evidence (in the form of several movies and TV mini-series) tells us that Latin sounded exactly like standard American, but with a British accent.

Touched by the Baby JesusEdit

At first, the Romans were extremely racist against Christians. They passed a law that required Christians to be eaten by lions. But when, in 387 (or whenever), a Christian named Constantine became the new Caesar, things this practice ended. Since anybody who makes an attempt on the life of the Emperor had to be thrown to the lions, his religion would made for an awkward situation in which everybody would be eaten. The lions were quickly shipped back to Africa (which, since Africa does not exist, is like "sending old Fido to live on a nice farm").

Rise and Fall of the Roman EmpireEdit

Unfortunately, just as the Romans became decent true Christians, a plague of barbarians, democrats, liberals and Arabs simultaneously invaded the Empire. At the time, the Roman Senate was filled with incompetent Democratic Homosexuals who abandoned the defense of Rome, leading to her decay. Truthfulness and honor was restored to Rome when Stephen Colbert's great great great great great great Grand father, Justinian Colbert, liberated Rome and installed the Pope with God's 100001% Catholic Seal of Approval - eat it you stinking barbarians!


Is America Rome?Edit

We are.


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