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The Rod of Truthiness is how you keep your
property children in line. Children are born incapable of truthiness, so we are commanded beat the truthiness into our children (Proverbs 23:14, etc.).
If you don't beat your child, they become what is called "little tyrants." This is a gateway to much more serious sins such as:
- Monkey worship
- Meth smoking
- Self Rape
- Watching the Daily Show
- Registering democrat
- Sympathizing with queers
- Eating babies
- Having abortions
Since the Bible tells us to beat our kids, we know we must do it. Don't listen to "doctors" who tell you that it will give your kids brain damage; the Bible tells us we should beat our kids, and so we thump 'em good in the name of the Lord. In Proverbs 23:13-14 tells us to beat our children hard and often. Don't worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn't going to kill them. And even if they do die, they'll be better off. They'll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them.
- See also: