The Robert Cornhole Bible College of Killbuck, OhioEdit
The Robert Cornhole Bible College of Killbuck, Ohio was erected in March of 2009 by Stephen Colbert. It's nascent history has been littered with conflict and some analysts from The Center for Advanced Cornhole Studies in Atlanta, Georgia have requested that the college be demolished. Whether or not this will happen, as every cornholist knows, is to be decided by the collective gut of the truth enterprise which is cornholism. What's more, everyone one with any guts at all knows that the only man who can speak for the collective gut of cornholism is the notable, nay, the final cornholer, our blessed and worshipful Stephen Colbert.
Today cornholists everywhere, as distinguished from false-cornholists such as Hannitites, Dittoheads, Glennedictines and, may God burn them alive lest they make every American a gay professor, the Glennedickteens, are of course wondering: "What does it mean to call oneself a cornholist?" Of course, our Stephen Colbert tells anyone man enough to use his gut the answer to this question but for those men who, while extraordinarily courageous, still can't seem to internalize cornholism, Colbert has erected The Center for Advanced Cornhole Studies in Atlanta, Georgia to initiate them into this noblest of truthiness enterprises.
The Origin and Need for the Robert Cornhole Bible CollegeEdit
The battle to make America realize that their primary founder is Robert Cornhole is already won but there's still a lot of killing to be done. In Atlanta, courageous Americans such as Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Mitt Romney, Pat Robertson and maybe even Rush Limbaugh (see "cornhole controversy" at cornholism are still instructing Ford-tough men how to finish off the vegans, gays, liberals, Muslims and all the others who hate America. The study of the gut, or gutology, which consists mainly of prayer and listening to what Stephen Colbert says his gut says and therefore what our guts want to say, is almost complete. But what researchers at The Center for Cornhole Studies, most notably Pat Robertson, have noticed is that while cornholists understand the cornhole-thesis and are man enough to embrace Robert Cornhole, many of us are having trouble feeling just how Jesus will fit into our Cornhole.
When Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh brought the crisis of cornholism to a head, Hannity knowing that "cornhole" basically meant America but Rush attempting to show that "cornhole" meant "sodomy," it was Pat Robertson that resolved that the head to which cornholism had come needed a circumcision.
Pat Robertson's, no, Stephen Colbert's New CrusadeEdit
After a little bit of prayer, Jesus told Pat Roberston why cornholism was in crisis and few cornholists were surprised to learn that the heart of the problem was that cornholism needed Him, namely Jesus. Having listened to Pat's gut and knowing that Pat got real protective of his gut and his Jesus, Stephen Colbert thought it best to erect the Robert Cornhole Bible College so that pat wouldn't try to direct Jesus into our Cornhole the wrong way. Also, Stephen knew that the Bible was the best manual for training in gutology because you didn't even have to read it to know that Jesus was God and to accept him as your personal savior and model American. Stephen knew that Jesus was for the gut what Robert Cornhole was fo rAmerica.
The Future of The Robert Cornhole Bible CollegeEdit
Not to be a name dropper, but we're proud to have the following people teaching prayer for Jesus and Cornhole: Benny Hinn, Rod Parsley, Pat Robertson, Kirk Cameron, John Hagee and TD Jakes. Also, Paula White and Joyce Meyer are there so that we can have sex with them, impregnent them and abort their unborn so that we can make fetal hot dogs for our students who don't have the teeth for Limbaugh-salad. On behalf of Jesus and Robert Cornhole, Stephen Colbert encourages all real American men to join good cornholists for prayer and Bible study at The Robert Cornhole Bible College. And of course, no reading necessary.