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The Myth Of Evolution

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HookEmRabbi
Hellfire
It's too late to pray for The Myth Of Evolution!
The Myth Of Evolution is doomed!
1106425
Darwin ape
WARNING:
The Myth Of Evolution,
is associated with atheism,
beware of potential liberal lies and grumpy atheists!
Scientist
TeslaCoil2
The Myth Of Evolution
is science-related, sending it straight to hell.


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Evolution is that like, millions and billions of years of mutations and recombinations and cosmic rays knock something out of one DNA so when the mitosis or myosis or whatever –osis come together something else happens and the fur falls off and suddenly King Kong is a man?
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~ Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A.
The Colbert Report January 12, 2006


For the religious among us, the God chosen experts at Conservapedia have an excellent article about The Myth Of Evolution.

Evolution (aka Evil-lution) A lie by the anti-Jesus left wing liberals who want us to belive we evolved from monkeys. This is actualy a ploy set forth by the liberals' true overlords, the bears. The bears want to lull the world into a false sense of security by stating we are somehow related. This is a lie based on monkey worship and should be ignored at all costs.

A secondary effect of this is to destroy the Catholic church's credibility and replace it with the evil Lutheran empire. God created man in one day, not through a constant increasing and changing of certain traits and genes due to Charles Darwin's "survival of the fittest" bullshit, but knowing this would make any reasonable American aware of the Lutherans' and bears' lies.

Furthermore, God only put dinosaurs on the Earth so that he could hurl a fiery ball of death down upon them and thereby create oil. Of course, all dinosaurs were made out of evil so he didn't have to feel bad about destroying them. God has made just enough oil to last us until Armageddon, so we don't have to worry about the size of our SUVs.

The Argument for EvolutionEdit

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Evolution is the theory of forward advance in the lives of organisms.
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~ Colbear
January 12, 2006



There are currently two theories. They are called theories as they are merely ideas or imationations that people have had at some point, possibly while under the influence of mind altering drugs, like Kava Kava tea.

The Mermaid TheoryEdit

The Mermaid theory states that there are four states of human evolution.

Mermaid

the earliest life forms.

Darwinist say the path to humanity started with the mermaid, which lived under the sea in the year 2,000,000,000 B.C. After moving to dry land mermaids decided to be centaurs. Later they got tired of wearing four shoes, so they became Mantaurs.

Centaur

A so-called Centaur.


The Monkey TheoryEdit

An equally ridiculous theory is the notion that humans evolved from monkeys, and that other species are descendants of other, less evolved species. For example, the giraffe is a descendant of a type of prehistoric horse. According to the theory, the giraffe was created when a horse was unable to reach the highest branches of a tree. By continually straining its neck, the horse became taller, and due to a skin disorder (see Michael Jackson) became another color.

The same thing happened with monkeys. A monkey one day decided to become human, and by some magical incident that not even evolutionogists can explain, it happened.

The Many Fallacies of EvolutionEdit

The communist atheist dogma of evolution is based on fact, not faith. Because of this, it is easy to immediately dismiss evolution as anything else than a atheist/satanic ploy to remove the influence of our Lord Jesus on the free people of America. The following is a easy list of concrete evidence against evolution:

  • GOD SAYS SO!
  • If we supposedly evolved from monkey, or fish, why aren't we born as fish or monkeys?
  • Evolutionologists claim that evolution takes millions of years, yet guess what? Monkeys don't live millions of years!
  • If we evolved from monkeys, why can't we speak monkey?
  • The Bible CLEARLY and PLAINLY states that God created man during Genesis. And we know the Bible is true, because the Bible says the Bible is true. Even a child should be able to understand that?!
  • Communists supported evolution, and we all know communism was wrong and evil.
  • When I was a child, I really wanted to be able to fly, and despite my trying, I was never able to evolve wings. Explain that, Darwinists!
  • Evolution is racist: fish -> monkey -> black man -> white man. Where are your morals, evolutionists?! All men are created equal in the eyes of God.
  • If we evolved from fish, then waterboarding people wouldn't be a problem now would it? (although it still isn't)
  • Evolution defies the second law of thermodynamics. If evolution had ever happened on the plane of Earth, it would require a vast external source of energy. Such a source has not been discovered, and never will.
  • Even if you were to place 20 monkeys in a room for a million years they could not write a masterpiece such as any of the wonderful speeches by the Great President Bush
  • The Platypus - even if the Earth was ten thousand years old like scientists say there clearly wasn't time for the Platypus to evolve from a duck
  • The fossil record - everybody knows that real animals aren't made from rock
  • It's against the constitution.[1]

The following is a list of evidence FOR evolution:

  • Some guy (Darwin) wrote about it in a book years ago.

(end of list)

Nice try, pinko. Are we supposed to believe you just because you have some stupid book that says so? Anyone could've written that book, and there is absolutely no valid reason to believe it.

It is believed that this book was inspired from his many drug dealing with BEARS in South America.

To make matters worse, evolution has even been taken down by the very scientists who claim it to be true: paleontologists!

See AlsoEdit

External SourcesEdit

TCRLogoBright1
TCRLogoBright1
Flammarion
Abandon Truthiness All Ye Who Enter This Internets Tube!
"The Myth Of Evolution"
discusses one of the Liberal's Ridiculous Theories and Notions.
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The Myth Of Evolution
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?

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