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The Jersey Devil

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The Jersey Devil, A.K.A.: the Leeds Devil; Jim McGreevey; the reanimated corpse of Jimmy Hoffa; demoncrat; is a legendary creature said to inhabit the Pine Barrens in southern New Jersey. The creature is often described as a flying biped with hooves who strictly votes democratically . The Jersey Devil has infected every aspect of local government, even lending its name to an NHL team "The Jersey Nepotists".

Vague Descriptions Edit

Many different descriptions have been offered by alleged witnesses of the creature. While the descriptions vary, several aspects remain fairly constant, such as the creature having glowing red eyes that can paralyze a man, and that it utters a high-pitched, humanlike scream while it mounts its victim.

Possible Origins Edit

Lack of Religious FaithEdit

  • The belief in the theory of evolution has been eating away at the fabric of American society for far too long. It seems obvious that the Jersey Devil could be an incarnation of this corrupt and widely accepted point of view.
  • Stem cell research has murdered many unborn human souls. This plague on N.J. may possibly be the soulless remains from stem cell research, exacting revenge on the republicans who did not have the balls to fight this murderous act. Embryos should only be thrown away to die naturally, not tortured for the benefit of mankind.

The Democratic Conspiracy Edit

Other possible theories are that New Jersey has drilled a hole to hell and that the Jersey Devil is just James Carville crawling back from his post Clinton career.

Encounters Edit

(1) In 1991, a pizza delivery driver from Edison, New Jersey described a night encounter with a white, horselike creature near a horse farm, while smoking a blunt.

(2)

Appearances Edit

  • Jersey Devil Con - Will be the only storm trooper with wings at the convention.
  • Democratic National Convention - May be hiding within the liberal media as a reporter for CNN.

External Links Edit

Colbert Nation/Chris Moreno

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