"The Herpes"
has been approved for use in the "Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent Only"
Abstinence-Training Curriculum.
Using this tube of the internets will preserve your virginality.
Stephen scrubs swc
After a thorough examination, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has diagnosed you as suffering from a case of
The Herpes

Herpes (or "Doocys" as they are better knownEpisode #521) is the result of every bit of sexual contact that occurs outside of a traditional loving marriage between a man and a woman. Non-genital herpes, including cold sores, appear when God catches wind of the filthy thoughts a person has been having.

Or, from playing beer pong.Episode #521

As a reflection of our concern for America's healthiness, has provided the following factiness sheet about herpes.

All You Need To KnowEdit

Herpes and YOU!!!

Strangers with herpes
Herpes is often misdiagnosed as a biscuit-bump abrasion.
(Hey, it can happen to you!!)

  • Herpes are most commonly spread through sexual contact, sexual thought, and bees.
  • People who retain their virginality through the practices of abstinence and abstinence-only sex can never get herpes.
  • Herpes is the hottest fashion for young Hollywood[1].
  • Once you have herpes, you can take valtrex to become a more proficient outdoorsman.
  • The herpes, much like the AIDS, stays with you even after you die.
  • If you have either the herpes or the AIDS, your wretched self isn't allowed in Heaven.
  • People with The Herpes are required to wear yellow ball caps with the letter H on them.
  • The word Herpes is just one letter away from the word Heroes, metaphorically representing what The Baby Jesus will do to the Heroes who have strayed from the righteous path.


  1. For example: KatieHolmesLipThing

For a real example of just how gross it is check these pics out. Yuck town!!!

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