Biography of the week
July 12, 2009

The Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum
appeared at The Entrance to the Eagle's Nest
without technically becoming a guest of "The Colbert Report"

Goldblum trex

Dinosaur Hunter Extrordinaire
Tragically Goldblum, having survived T-Rex attacks while filming the documentary "Jurassic Park" was killed in a New Zealand climbing accident with Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee, also formerly of "The Shire."


"What, me worry?"
Goldblum, apparenly unconcerned with his recent demise, gratuitously hawkes his recurring role on USA Network's, Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

The Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum was almost a guest of America's Favorite News Program when he suddenly appeared in The Eagle's Nest on June 29, 2009Episode #579.


Eatrh girls are easy 02

Goldblum Handsomeness
With his sexy personna and fashion forward coutre, Goldblum taught a generation how to pick up chicks in the autobiographical film chronicaling how he met his previous spouse, Geena Davis, entitled, "Earth Girls Are Easy."

Alfred e newman

The Young Ghost-To-Be
Goldblum is pictured here as a young lad, in a pre-paranormal state, just after inventing the Republican Biblical text, Mad Magazine.

Jeff Goldblum died this week while rock climbing with friends (Frodo & Sam) in New Zealand.

Anyone claiming to be Jeff Goldblum is clearly deranged and should be tasered for their own safety, gagged, straight-jacketed, then dumped at the nearest hospital for the criminally intent insane.

To test if it is truthily Jeff Goldblum's ghost, hit it hard with something iron, a wrecking bar, a good American hammer, tire lever etc, or fire some rock salt from a shotgun at it (thanks for the tips from Sam and Dean Winchester).

If the Ghost screams in pain (ghosts loath salt and iron,) set the ghost alight to remove them from their endless suffering in this world (also sets them free in the next one).

Appreciation Of Jeff GoldblumEdit

  • The Ghost described Goldblum's performances as a combination ofEpisode #579:
    • the muscularity of Brando
    • the pathos of Streep
    • and the musky sensuality of a pride of baboons.
  • one person described sex with him as "Like being caught in a Fleshstorm with a 90% chance of Satisfaction".


The fly2

Excellant Grooming Habits
Goldblum enjoys meticulous grooming rituals and invented Metrosexuality, the practice of combining grooming with self emolation.

  • Collecting bits of himself in the medicine cabinet.

Supernatural PowersEdit

  • Usage of The Twitter
  • Self-Eulogization
  • Nancy Drew-like sluething abilities.
  • Making Earth Girls Easy.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

The Ghost Of Jeff Goldblum
needs to be Colbertized
Please watch and take notes from
the correct episode of The Colbert Report to get it right!

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