The Four Horsemen of the A•pop•calypse
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.


1st Edition: September 26, 2006

2nd Edition: March 13, 2007

3rd Edition: April 25, 2007

4th Edition: June 27, 2007

The Four HorsemenEdit

There are four horsemen:


  • FOX's new game show Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?, for glorifying facts.
  • NBC's Heroes, for glorifying evolution by purporting that human beings can develop superpowers.
  • Shaquille O'Neal and his new show Shaq's Big Challenge, for helping kids shed pounds and ignore his corporate sponsors. He can't have cake and tell kids to not eat it too.

The Pestilence of BooksEdit

  • New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
    • The story of a high school girl falling in love with a vampire could only encourage our youth to fall in love with bad boys - or worse, monsters. Don't wait for them forever, ladies, because that's how much time he has: forever. Why? He's immortal.
  • Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson
  • The Narrative Nazis who are getting upset about spoilers releasing the ending of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on the internets.
Stephen has an advance copy, and spoiler alert: Hermione's a dude, Voldemort is the ghost of Harry's father, whose real name was Rosebud, and on the last page Harry wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette.


  • Music buyers - not showing respect
  • America is setting a bad precedent by rewarding losers. The 4th place finisher on American Idol has America's #1 album, Daughtry. He sounds like Creed without the Jesus. We owe Taylor Hicks our loyalty.
  • Texas country station KZPS Lone Star 92.5 has gone commercial free, which is unAmerican. A better idea would be to create a radio station that only plays commercial jingles, like Stephen's show Colbert on the ERT.
  • Sinead O'Connor, for thinking that recording a comeback album of Christian songs makes up for tearing up a picture of God's chosen representative on earth, The Pope. What are you charging for your new record? Thirty pieces of silver?


  • 300 is a great movie because it made $70 million on its opening weekend - no better arbiter than the free market - but Scooter Libby was at the edge of the pit.
  • Disturbia, for sending terrible messages to our kids.
  • Transformers, for teaching our kids that in the face of danger, they can just sit back and be saved by a bunch of overgrown toaster ovens. We can't trust any of these trannies.

External TubesEdit

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