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The First Earth Battalion

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The First Earth Battalion was a hippie libural new age army that tried to weaponize love, sparkly eyes, and their minds to kill goats... the whole affair was a disgrace for America's Army. But luckily the project was shut down as soon as they discovered that the hippie good-feeling vibes werent actually killing the enemy at all. Also the army suffered massive casualties while attempting to kill goats with their minds... damn goats...

History: Killing Goats With Your MindEdit

Smothering The Enemy with LoveEdit

The Deadly Gay Sparkly EyesEdit

This was during the Dark Period when gays were allowed to join the military. During this unfortunate time the Top Generals of the Pentagon thought it was a good idea to use the gays to kill the enemy (they needed to find some use for the gays to keep them busy, otherwise they would start flirting with our soldiers and tempt them into the path of gayness).


Attempts to Revive "The First Earth Battalion" AKA "America's Kick Ass Super Army"Edit

Finally! After the Pentagon awoke from their misguided attempts to use New Age powers to destroys America's enemies they decided instead they needed actual powers to kill the enemy.


Killing Goats With The Power of The Gut! Gut Powah!!!!Edit

Everyone knows that the brain is a weak muscle, real power comes from the gut!

Klling The Enemy With Rage!!!Edit

The Deadly Gay Sparkly Eyes The Deadly Colbert Sparkly EyesEdit

Disclosure: Wikiality.com is not responsible from any lethal effects caused by overexposure effects to Stephen's Sparkly Eyes.

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