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The Colbert Report/Episodes/Season2/October

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Season 2 (2006) OctoberEdit

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
155 October 2 Copycat Michael Lewis "America, I'm not your normal pundit. I'm fully krausened. This is The Colbert Report." 2123
Attempts to explain Mark Foley's actions by saying he was using online acronyms such as STUD (Strong Teen Using Democracy) and HORNY (Happy On Reaching New Year's). Stephen talks about Scientists and Engineers for America.


156 October 3 Experience Andy Stern "America, I'm auctioning off this part of the show. Your ad could be here. This is The Colbert Report." 2124
Colbert compares the platforms that Hillary Clinton and Lucifer would have in a potential election. He also suggests Lucifer be a vice-presidential candidate, with John McCain as the presidential candidate. Colbert announces that Saginaw Spirit has officially named their mini-mascot "Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle." At the end of his show, he declares he had a perfect show and retires his jersey.


157 October 4 Must-Not-See TV Byron Dorgan "Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead. This is The Colbert Report." 2125
Colbert says that the misdeeds by Mark Foley were actually done by Representative Jack Daniels. Colbert gets excited by the Nobel Prize results which has the USA 3/3 of the Nobel Prizes issued and gets excited for a sweep. Announces that a winner will be selected for the Green Screen Challenge on October 11th.


158 October 5 none Amy Goodman "Here's the truth you ordered. Watch out, the plate's very hot! This is The Colbert Report!" 2126
Colbert shows that Massachussets is an anagram for The Ass Sac Smut. And has special guest Maz Jobrani who urges Arabians to refuse terrorist roles. Colbert provides the idea for Behavioral Profiling (a play on racial profiling). A mini-Better Know a District is done with Mark Foley via textmessage. Colbert is outraged at Starbucks' price increase of a nickel and admits his addiction to Starbucks' five-shot Venti caramel mocha.


159 October 9 Safety Randy Newman "I'm like Wonder Woman, I've got a lasso of truth and a killer bod. This is The Colbert Report." 2127
Colbert opens the show by speaking in Korean in response to North Korea's nuclear bomb detonations. He then gives an update to the Saginaw Spirit in the Stephen Colbert Sports Update. The show closes with Randy Newman singing "Political Science."


160 October 10 None Ariel Levy none 2128
A Colbert Report Special Report: A Salute to the American lady, which Colbert was forced to do after being involved with some of the interns. Stephen R.A.P.S., Cooks with Feminists (Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem), and ends by declaring everyone (as well as himself) Mrs. Colbert.


161 October 11 none George Lucas "America, the culture war is like a bar fight, and I'm your broken pool cue. This is The Colbert Report." 2129
Stephen ends his well-announced Green Screen Challenge- one of the finalists comes on, but loses to the other finalist by a score of 40.0-39.9; new episode of Tek Jansen. This is the first episode of The Colbert Report to not have a proper interview.


162 October 12 none Brian Schweitzer "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps me fire you. This is The Colbert Report." 2130
Better Know a District: Carol Gay(D - Candidate) from New Jersey's 4th.


163 October 16 Russian Dolls Barry Scheck "It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm a dog. This is The Colbert Report." 2131
"Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger": Mid-term Elections edition


164 October 17 Irreconcilable Differences Richard Dawkins "I know we've been together for a year now, Nation, but I would so still do you. This is The Colbert Report." 2132
The one-year anniversary of the Colbert Report. A new descending video screen is installed, the "Judge Tubbs" clip from BKAD is replayed, and Colbert retires the portrait that hung over the studio "fireplace" and places it for auction on eBay. The portrait is replaced by one with more Colbert.


165 October 18 Sherlock David Kuo "It's ladies night here on the report... My suit... Half off! This is The Colbert Report." 2133
Colbert "Calls it!" after hearing that elephant vasectomies are being performed in Africa, referring to his Wikiality episode and tells viewers to look it up in Wikip*dia while the screen shows a link to www.wikiality.com instead. Colbert shows a clip of Jeopardy! which he was the answer for the $2000 question in the Pop Culture category. Another episode of Stephen Colbert's Sport Report (Saginaw Spirit still undefeated (6-0) under Steagle Colbeagle's watch). Episode concludes with Colbert explaining Rick Santorum's quote, which compared the The Lord of the Rings with Iraq, using action figures.


166 October 19 none Dr. Peter Agre "The pen is mightier than the sword... if you shoot that pen out of a gun. This is The Colbert Report." 2134
Colbert talks about the portrait bidding, in which it reached $99,999,999.00 but restarted after the fake bids were cancelled. Special guest: founder of The Minutemen Project, Jim Gilchrist. Better Know a District (Competitor): New York's 19th District challenger John Hall formerly of the 1970s band Orleans. Colbert sings "Dance With Me" along with Hall.


167 October 30 Shameless Barry Manilow "See you tomorrow night, trick or treaters! Hope you like stationery. This is The Colbert Report!" 2135
Instead of having a Threat Down, Stephen has a special "Great Down", celebrating the 109th Congress. Stephen signs a peace treaty with guest Barry Manilow. The agreement ceases hostilities between the two and grants Stephen joint custody of Manilow's Emmy for outstanding individual performance in a variety or music program. In a heart-stopping moment, Stephen sings "I Write the Songs" with Manilow.


168 October 31 Thanks, Gays! Tim Robbins "I'm giving America something better than candy; my opinions. But be careful! Some of them are filled with razor blades. This is The Colbert Report" 2136
Stephen praises women's slutty Halloween costumes. He announces the winner of the auction of the portrait that previously hung over his fireplace. He also gets incredibly scared by a video showing the reality that Nancy Pelosi may become Speaker of the House. He conducts an interview with Log Cabin Republican from the new show Freak Show, who outs many gay Republicans, including Abraham Lincoln.

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