"When it comes to mental gymnastics, I'm an 14-year-old Romanian girl. And I'm gonna stick the landing. This is the Colbert Report!"
It starts with a report on Congressman Brad Sherman of California who married after appearing on the Report. Colbert called for the couple to quickly produce more ShermBots. He also noted the problems in the Christian Coalition, which fired a reverend because he advocated reducing poverty and fighting global warming. The "Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude" features a "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger"—Christmas edition.
"The truth is contagious - and I haven't washed my hands in days. This is the Colbert Report!"
Stephen comments on the nomination of Robert Gates and on NASA's plan to colonize the moon. He then comments on how a tribe of Native Americans kicked out one of his members in his Word segment. After the break there is the "Sport Report" with a rant about the Saginaw Spirit, who lost 3 games in a row despite having a mascot named after him.
"No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode. We tried, but that damn monkey was just too fast. This is the Colbert Report!"
The show starts with Stephen explaining the new background of his interview table, which is the Birth of Jesus scene (including an additional shepherd to represent himself). He then talks about Dick Cheney's pregnant lesbian daughter and that there might or not have been an order of Colbert's sperm to her address. After the break there is a new "Tek Jansen" episode.
"Hey Partridge in that pear tree - stop eating all those pears! This is the Colbert Report!"
Stephen starts by criticizing David Gregory, who "dared" to quote the report of the bipartisan Iraq Study group to Tony Snow. He then tries to argue against the book United States vs. Bush et. al. by Elizabeth de la Vega in his "The Word" segment, challenging her to come on the show to defend her arguments; de la Vega appears moments later to talk about it. After the break he announces that "The Decemberists" issued a "guitar playing challenge" against him for his challenge of their "green screen challenge". Stephen accepts their challenge for December 20. Continuing the show he then names John Bolton "Alpha Dog of the Week".
"Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% respiration. You'd be surprised how many geniuses forget to breathe. This is the Colbert Report!"
In the beginning he talks about how Rosie O'Donnell's fake Chinese talking has been criticized. He then salutes Jack Kingston who took a stand against the new 5-day-workweek of Congress and talks to him via satellite. After the break there is a "Threat Down!" dealing with threats to Christmas by Britain, Jews, the Police and real Christmas trees (including the statement that bats are a kind of bear).
"America, take off your thinking caps and put on your feeling shoes. This is the Colbert Report!"
At the beginning he honors Augusto Pinochet, "a fan of the show". His "shout out!" segment talks about two marines who send him a letter and a flag (which was flown in a command mission), to which he and the audience pledge allegiance afterwards. After the break he celebrates "Truthiness" being "Word of the Year 2006" including a release of a replacement page for the "Merriam-Webster's dictionary" with "truthiness" updated (eliminating "try" for space consideration). He then reports on a fast episode of "Better know a district" where he gets to know every new Congressmen in 2 minutes (because Nancy Pelosi said in an interview he would never be able to do all 434 districts) which brought him up to 51 "known" districts.
*tosses coin* "America has won the coin-toss and is elected to receive...the truth! This is the Colbert Report!"
Stephen opens with a reminder that on December 20 he will face The Decemberists on his show for a guitar-contest. He then continues to talk about how the American public is responsible for the sad state of things in Iraq and the Word deals with conflict diamonds. A new segment "Blood in the water" deals with Bruce Tinsley's arrest and after that Stephen clarifies why his "porn star name" and his "gay porn star name" do not match. The show ends with him writing a letter Congressman Jack Kingston about what he learned this week.