The Colbert Report/Episodes/Season2/December

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Season 2 (2006) DecemberEdit

# First aired "The Wørd" Studio guest Introductory phrase Prod#
183 December 04 American Orthodox Will Wright "When it comes to mental gymnastics, I'm an 14-year-old Romanian girl. And I'm gonna stick the landing. This is the Colbert Report!" 2151
It starts with a report on Congressman Brad Sherman of California who married after appearing on the Report. Colbert called for the couple to quickly produce more ShermBots. He also noted the problems in the Christian Coalition, which fired a reverend because he advocated reducing poverty and fighting global warming. The "Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude" features a "Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger"—Christmas edition.

184 December 05 Honest Injun Steven D. Levitt "The truth is contagious - and I haven't washed my hands in days. This is the Colbert Report!" 2152
Stephen comments on the nomination of Robert Gates and on NASA's plan to colonize the moon. He then comments on how a tribe of Native Americans kicked out one of his members in his Word segment. After the break there is the "Sport Report" with a rant about the Saginaw Spirit, who lost 3 games in a row despite having a mascot named after him.

185 December 06 Words New York University President John Sexton "No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode. We tried, but that damn monkey was just too fast. This is the Colbert Report!" 2153
The show starts with Stephen explaining the new background of his interview table, which is the Birth of Jesus scene (including an additional shepherd to represent himself). He then talks about Dick Cheney's pregnant lesbian daughter and that there might or not have been an order of Colbert's sperm to her address. After the break there is a new "Tek Jansen" episode.

186 December 07 Case Closed Dr. Francis S. Collins "Hey Partridge in that pear tree - stop eating all those pears! This is the Colbert Report!" 2154
Stephen starts by criticizing David Gregory, who "dared" to quote the report of the bipartisan Iraq Study group to Tony Snow. He then tries to argue against the book United States vs. Bush et. al. by Elizabeth de la Vega in his "The Word" segment, challenging her to come on the show to defend her arguments; de la Vega appears moments later to talk about it. After the break he announces that "The Decemberists" issued a "guitar playing challenge" against him for his challenge of their "green screen challenge". Stephen accepts their challenge for December 20. Continuing the show he then names John Bolton "Alpha Dog of the Week".

187 December 11 None Dr. Peter Singer "Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% respiration. You'd be surprised how many geniuses forget to breathe. This is the Colbert Report!" 2155
In the beginning he talks about how Rosie O'Donnell's fake Chinese talking has been criticized. He then salutes Jack Kingston who took a stand against the new 5-day-workweek of Congress and talks to him via satellite. After the break there is a "Threat Down!" dealing with threats to Christmas by Britain, Jews, the Police and real Christmas trees (including the statement that bats are a kind of bear).

188 December 12 Casualty of War Dan Savage "America, take off your thinking caps and put on your feeling shoes. This is the Colbert Report!" 2156
At the beginning he honors Augusto Pinochet, "a fan of the show". His "shout out!" segment talks about two marines who send him a letter and a flag (which was flown in a command mission), to which he and the audience pledge allegiance afterwards. After the break he celebrates "Truthiness" being "Word of the Year 2006" including a release of a replacement page for the "Merriam-Webster's dictionary" with "truthiness" updated (eliminating "try" for space consideration). He then reports on a fast episode of "Better know a district" where he gets to know every new Congressmen in 2 minutes (because Nancy Pelosi said in an interview he would never be able to do all 434 districts) which brought him up to 51 "known" districts.

189 December 13 It's A Small World Doris Kearns Goodwin "Space shuttle astronauts, look down: you can see this from space [points at his own head]. This is the Colbert Report!" 2157
The show starts with Stephen's search for his "son" Stephen junior, an eagle named for him, who ended up in Vancouver. He then talks about how his report (as he claims) got the Seattle-Tacoma Airport to reinstate Christmas trees in the flight lounge.

190 December 14 Clarity Daniel Pinchbeck *tosses coin* "America has won the coin-toss and is elected to receive...the truth! This is the Colbert Report!" 2158
Stephen opens with a reminder that on December 20 he will face The Decemberists on his show for a guitar-contest. He then continues to talk about how the American public is responsible for the sad state of things in Iraq and the Word deals with conflict diamonds. A new segment "Blood in the water" deals with Bruce Tinsley's arrest and after that Stephen clarifies why his "porn star name" and his "gay porn star name" do not match. The show ends with him writing a letter Congressman Jack Kingston about what he learned this week.

191 December 18 The Draft Jack Welch "It's the season of giving. Only 7 more days for giving people hell for saying Happy Holidays! This is the Colbert Report!" 2159
Stephen complains about his cold and the non-working drugs he took against it. He then honors people in a new segment called "Profiles in Balls". After the break there is a long interview.

192 December 19 Tit For Tat Deepak Chopra "Six days left to get your Christmas shopping done America. Fifteen-and-a-half (touching his collar), thirty-four (touching his jacket sleeve), This is the Colbert Report!" 2160
Stephen talks about the Person of the Year (You!) decided by Time Magazine and decides that this means all his viewers (the Colbert Nation) who did what Stephen told them to do. He then talks about Miss USA and her second chance. After the break he shows a clip on how he visited the Kennedy Institute of Politics at Harvard University trying to bring the students to the "right" path.

193 December 20 None Chris Funk, Robert Schneider Morley Safer replaces Stephen in a parody of the opening of 60 Minutes to announce this episode's main event: the guitar-solo challenge between Stephen and The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk. 2161
The whole episode is used to slowly build up to the guitar-solo-challenge against The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk, including a Stephen-friendly performance by Robert Schneider of The Apples in Stereo and a "Shred Down". Stephen – whom, after "injuring himself", is replaced by Peter Frampton – wins in a close contest. Other guests included Henry Kissinger, rock critic Anthony DeCurtis, and Governor-elect (of New York) Eliot Spitzer. The end of the show sees Cheap Trick guitarist and Colbert Report theme writer Rick Nielsen lead the other three guitarists and Stephen in a rendition of the theme.

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