The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 488

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
December 8, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is asking His Jew Friend for the Late Night Bailout Thing
    • if he fails, Stephen will take Jew Boy down with him!
  • Dr. Colbert needs $40
    • many people depend on his appetite for their jobs


  • Car $54 Billion, Where Are You?
"The auto industry gets a bailout! With! No! Money! Down!"
  • The President Always Rings Twice
"Then, a Republican congresswoman accidentally hangs up on Barack Obama! But not before he got her to change her long distance plan!"
  • Top Geoff
"And my guest is Harlem Children's Zone, Geoffrey Canada! What, we couldn't get Geoffrey America!?"

Flag quote open clear2
I don't want to let the cat out of the bag! That cat knows what it did and needs to be punished!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
December 8, 2008 The Colbert Report


  • Stephen Colbert is here!
    • always a good show when tat cat shows up!
  • Shocking, disturbing footage
    • young children
    • pregnant women, have them leave or render them unconscious
  • President Bush kisses Barbra Streisand
    • prescribe to patients who pass the four hour mark
  • they are sworn enemies
    • stole the election
    • poisoning political system
    • alien sent to destroy the Earth
  • for one award she will reverse all her beliefs
    • Stephen didn't do anything like that and can handle anything life throws at him and some weird punctuating neck thing


  • America lost 5,000 jobs
    • more than what Sean Hannity has
  • calling the loan an "emergency bridge
    • giving the CEOs something to jump off
  • give away gold
    • not to Jesus, to GM , Ford, Chrysler
  • bailout package Stephen doesn't agree with it
  • including
    • driver side bong holders
    • transgender mudflaps
  • frees the carolers who fall into his caroler pit
  • losing car companies would be like losing a foot
    • losing the banking industry would be like losing an asshole
  • 2 million jobs dependent on auto industry
  • Stephen's Grandmother sold 1979 powder blue pinto
    • sold it to Stephen for $1
      • went 0 to 60 on a good day
  • someone has got to pay
    • but it's Christmas and that someone has got to be us


  • don't trust what people tell you over the phone
    • movie phone guy is so eager to tell you when the movies are
      • he ransacks your home
  • I'm Just Another Slug On The Planet--Ros-Leihtenin's campaign slogan
  • during the campaign, Sarah Palin was tricked by DJs pretending to be Nicholas Sarkozy
    • and was tricked by a dial tone pretending to be Gordon Brown
  • Stephen is outraged that Obama and Rahm Emanuel are still holding their
    • Chicago-area prank fest
    • "Barry & The Stump
  • Ros-Leihtenin did not climb a stripper pole on a radio show called Enrique y Joe
    • she got almost $40 in singles.


  • Geoffrey Canada
  • wants to help underprivileged kids go to college, if they major in english, they'll be underprivileged adults
  • CEO of Harlem Children's Zone
    • like Gymboree
  • will end generational poverty
    • something parents give to their children
  • it is critical for America to be number one
  • number one in locking up children and murdering our children
  • The Harlem Zone
    • Baby College
      • make sure poor parents know about brain development as wealthy parents do
  • motto: Whatever it takes
    • not different than by any means necessary
  • will not accept failure
  • will level the playing field
    • spreading the wealth
  • when my children do better, your children will do better
  • over 10,000 kids in the program
  • Obama wants to start similar programs around the country
  • was on Oprah's show
    • children learned about Lehman Brothers
      • economic crisis could be blamed on poor, black children
  • $350 billion for schools would have been a better investment


  • Dr. Colbert will be on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
    • gives him about 30 minutes to make a movie to promote
    • Shark costume
    • mountain climbing gear
    • 50 gallon tub of custard

Dr. Colbert's Appearance On Conan O'Brien's Lesser Known ShowEdit

  • Dr. Colbert helped Conan O'Brien look into the future
    • Cap'n Crunch will die bravely in battle after his ship is attacked by Somali Pirates
    • Barack Obama will finally give up smoking when that plastic stuff on Joe Biden's head catches on fire
    • Apple will introduce a new MP3 suppository comfortably hold 10k songss
      • painfully 20k
    • the entire wold will be WiFi after India and Pakistan nuke each other and leave a helpful residue in the air
      • but there will be global WiFi
    • saying that his habit is leading him to an early grave, cocaine will give up Amy Winehouse
  • during the commercial break, Dr. Colbert body surfed and danced
    • fire shot out of (some say) his mouth
  • Stephen explains his relationship with The Heroes
    • they do what he says
    • Stephen tells them what to do
  • also changed Conan O'Brien's Wikip*dia page, to say:
    • Conan O'Brien was arrested for assaulting a sea turtle with a canoe paddle
    • deeply admires and is painfully jealous of Stephen Colbert
  • Stephen allowed that Kanye could have a comeback
  • Conan was jealous that he wasn't invited to sing with Stephen
    • Stephen sang Jingle Bell Rock with him as asbestos fell from the ceiling, and a tree, a fireplace, three dancing girls and a midget appeared


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