The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 481

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 18, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • You Don't Say
"I tell you the one thing politicians won't say and the price list of what they will!"
  • Vet Offensive
"Then, I'll take a look at Barack Obama's strict vetting process! Suddenly it is important who you pal around with!"
  • 50 Ways to Nail a Singer
"And my guest is musician Paul Simon! It's about time I added some African polyrhythms to my political opinions!"

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If you ever forget to watch my show, just try this handy mnuemonic: "Watch!" "My!" "Show!"!
This is
The Colbert Report!
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~ Stephen Colbert
November 18, 2008 The Colbert Report

Good News For Joe LiebermanEdit

  • after supporting McCain, he found out his fate
  • all over with
    • hanging out with Lindsay Graham is punishment enough
  • he was joyfilled

Next Week Is ThanksgivingEdit

  • we talked about hope and change
  • never took the next step
    • peace and love
  • spit the filth out of his mouth into an urn
  • Obama was known by the pundits as the anti-war candidate
    • not peace candidate
  • in 1960's peace and love were as common as magical housewives
  • peace & love were discredited
    • associated with excesses of the times like drug use
  • hippies were schooled by FOX News radio
  • anything said in hippie speak is never true
    • invalidate anything
  • speaking about peace and love shows weakness
    • only found on stamps
  • if you start loving your enemies
    • end up in a drum circle with Mahmoud Ahmedine-kumbaya-ejad

Big NewsEdit

  • Obama is considering Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State
    • pigeonholing her as a "Secretary"
  • vetting Bill Clinton is like spending
  • smoking, drinking and rolling around in possums in a caved in sulfur mine
  • try to find anything in a candidate's background that could embarrassing
  • who vets the vetters
  • how is he qualified
  • former publisher for Slate
    • My Other Vagina
    • Sex Toy A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
    • Is Maureen Dowd Necessary
  • dances professionally
  • looks for fitness
  • excellence
    • integrity as long as it's part of it
  • dark secret
  • balanced with unquenchable thirst for power
  • any secret that you have may come out at any time
  • part two will air tomorrow


  • Paul Simon
  • multi-platinum singer/song writer, who's released a book of all his lyrics, that is the perfect gift for someone who likes songs but hates music
  • book: "Lyrics 1964-2008"
  • Stephen would have called it: "Word Salad Jazzmatron"

  • music was a big part of the 1960's
  • never used love or peace in any of his songs
  • used groovy
    • didn't regret it
  • music comes first
    • rhythm may precede melody
  • protest folk song about the credit crisis
    • might be able to rhyme credit swap
  • negotiable
    • unsociable
  • some beefs with some of his songs
    • what was Julio down in the school yard?
  • Cecilia
    • freaky three-ways
    • why did he have to wash his face?
      • it was the sixties, he can't remember


  • song: American Tune



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