The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 480

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 17, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is tapped out when His Jewish Friend asks him for money while he's having dinner.
  • Dr. Colbert asks to be removed from his list, His Jewish Friend insists on harassing him some more.


  • Cabinet Fever
"Obama chooses his cabinet! First he's measuring the drapes, now he's picking the cabinet!? The guy sure loves to decorate!"
  • Feud for Thought
"Then, a new war is tearing our country apart! Please let it be the Eskimos verses the handicapped!"
  • Gladwell That Ends Well
"Then, author Malcolm Gladwell says he knows why certain people become successful! It involves writing a best-selling book about how people become successful!"

Flag quote open clear2
If your "Colbert Report" lasts more than a half an hour, consult your physician!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
November 17, 2008 The Colbert Report

Good Morning America Is Pushing To Go On NoticeEdit

  • Dr. Colbert appeared on Good Morning America (GMA)
    • it's light out at 6am
  • selflessly promote
  • A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All
    • A Walter Cronkite Tet Offensive
  • GMA went nuculer
    • started with Colbert dancing then cut to a woman doing laundry
      • ruining the ending
    • Mrs. Cratchet washing her delicates, when Santa jumps out of the lint trap, gives everyone dryer sheets
    • and sing "I'm dreaming of a white load"


  • President-elect is meeting with his Transition team
    • or Trannys
  • 7,000 appointments up for grabs
    • only place in America that is currently hiring
  • The Plumb Book
    • named after first Ag Sec Professor Plumb killed in Library of Congress with a candlestick
  • Secretary State
    • highest ranking cabinet position
  • don't giggle when you hear the word "Djibouti"
  • Dr. Colbert sees himself qualified for several positions:
    • Treasury
    • HHS
  • the more time you spend on TV, the more qualified you are to lead
    • Brokaw wants sec of VA
  • Tom Brokaw
  • book "Boom: Talk About The Sixties" out in paperback right now!
  • running for cover, not office
  • wants to stay a journalist
    • another way to say he didn't pass the vetting process
  • Treasury is the most important
  • domestic equivalent to war
    • and two foreign real wars

MSG Is GoodEdit

  • the election may be over, but not all elections were decided
  • will Ted Stevens be the first felon elected to the Senate
  • Campbell's soup v. Progresso
    • New York Times ad
      • 95 soups made with MSG
  • Stephen's favorite soup is MSG with Stars
  • Campbell's counters with 125 soups with no MSG
    • Stephen offers an ad idea that Bill Ayers eats Progresso
  • Gravyboat Veterans for Soup made an ad
    • woman eats soup blindfolded and is able to identify details about individual ingredients
  • Stephen samples a soup and is able to identify from which factory the MSG was manufactured
  • heavily invested in Campbell's soup
  • Stephen Colbert's Easy Street Soup
    • he doesn't care if it contains cream of lead-based anti-freeze
      • as long as the check clears and there's MSG in it
    • MSG stands for Mmm Soup Good
  • Progresso soup has umlates in their Alphabet soup
    • and they soupboard the Campbell's kids


  • Malcolm Gladwell
  • he knows why certain people become successful, Stephen does too: it's called trust funds
  • third time
    • maybe he'll win
  • book: Outliers: The Story of Success
  • outlier
    • fancy scientific term lies outside the statistical normal
    • statistically off the charts
  • he is not an outlier
  • Bill Gates
  • The Beatles
  • how can we stop them
    • they make us look bad
  • Gates was lucky
    • when he's 13 years old
  • might have been ordained by God
  • the year you're born can indicate one's success
  • 1935 was best year of 20th century
    • smallest generation
  • basically astrology
    • high end astrology
  • He's a virgo
    • born in 1963
  • best year of human history
    • 1830's: 22% of 75 richest people of all time
  • you don't know what an advantage is until the end of your life
  • buy it now, read it later


  • Dr. Colbert enjoys his soup with a straw before saying good night


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