Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 11, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Wedding Banned
"California bans gay marriage! Next up: Iowa bans corn!"
  • Double-O Stephen
"Then, part two of my undercover journey into the world of spy gadgets! They gave me a cool pen that shoots ink onto paper!"
  • Here Comes The Sun
"Plus, my guest is Kevin Johnson former NBA star and newly-elected mayor of Sacramento! He better do a good job, or they'll trade his ass to Fresno!"

Flag quote open clear2
What is the sound of one "me" talking?!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
November 11, 2008 The Colbert Report

Obama Meets Bush At The White HouseEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is tempted not to cut off the adoration from His Mob
    • he is giddy
  • lovely day off, ruined by Obama
  • the Obamas visited President Bush
    • at their future home, The White House
      • if Obama was serious about real change, he would have moved into the Air In Space Museum
  • Biden didn't meet with Cheney
  • Dr. Colbert pronounced Bush the way Europeans do

The License That Dare Not Speak Its NameEdit

  • California's Gayschtappo
    • protested Prop 8
  • one of the largest protests was at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church
    • cannot say what Saddleback is without incurring significant fines
      • does not involve actual saddle
  • no protesters outside First National Church of Black
  • Warren endorsed the ban to his congregation
  • gays v black
    • blacks v gays
      • and balck gays v themselves
  • Dr. Colbert has always said fringe groups would turn on each other
    • eskimos v handicapped
  • if gays want to marry, they have to do it the way God wants
    • marry Liza Minelli
  • furious at black people
  • a few black men have kept him down in the past
  • the old people who supported Prop 8
    • they're dying
  • there are old black people
  • there are also black gay people
  • gay survival
    • outlive, outsmart, outlast the bigots
  • the will of the people
    • like Mormons, who was the biggest donor for the passage
  • fair is fair
    • if they cannot have multiple wives, Savage can't have one
  • polygamist homosexuals
    • soak up the extra Mormons
      • what is done immediately after Saddlebacking
  • Dr. Colbert delivers many young men
    • not anti-gay, just anti-gay marriage
  • Dr. Colbert will get a refund for all the gifts he has given to gay couples who were gay married

Stephen Colbert's Fallback PositionEdit

  • Matthews put a potatoe in a blonde wig for a week and no one noticed

Part 2Edit


  1. assume nothing
  2. be prepared to take risks
  3. need to carry out a covert mission
  • a camera tie
    • to hide the ugly tie and take pictures of other ugly ties
  • rectal tool kit
    • can be found by anyone not looking in the spy's butt
  • Vietnamese used tunnel
    • similar to ant farms
  • concealment device
    • looks like a dictionary fits in one's butt
  • second-hand smoke delivery device
  • rectal concealment device for cyanide capsule
    • more rectal activity than imagined
    • n o other place to hide things
  • fly button compass
    • to find one's fly
  • a tool to remove rectal devices
  • Dr. Colbert demonstrated he could successfully remove Peter Ernest's medal from the museum


used to be in the NBA, is now mayor of Sacramento, hopefully this means Bloomberg will get drafted by the Nicks

  • first African-American mayor of Sacramento
  • pissed at Obama
    • for stealing his thunder
  • pocket Magic
    • now call him little Barack
  • Dan Savage
  • blacks and gays are battling in California
  • got lots of imaginary awards
    • hurt that he never got a championship ring
      • won those awards the same way Stephen did (his mother/grandmother voted repeatedly online)
    • Sacramentans
      • third generation
  • public schools are not serving students well
    • started a charter school
  • he promises to make Sacramento not boring
    • went on The Colbert Report
    • Colbert Bump
  • invites Colbert to visit


  • Dr. Colbert wants to do what he can to quell the violence between gay people and black people


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