Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 6, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • International Man of History
"Obama's victory: the international community weighs in! But, it's in metric, so who cares!"
  • Rachel Getting Harried
"Plus, my guest is MSNBC's Rachel Maddow! I'll ask her who de-froths Keith Olbermann's mouth during commercials!"
  • The Spy Who Loved Himself
"Then, I find out what it take to be a spy! Or, do I!? I do!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, did you guys see tonight's episode of The Colbert Report!?
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
November 6, 2008 The Colbert Report

Election BluesEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is upset
    • he took his rage out on a punching bag, but had to stop after the first shotgun blast
  • Democrats spayed pitbull Sarah Palin
  • Dr. Colbert is gracious and will accept Obama as long as he is able to defeat the giant spider that lives underneath the White House
    • last challenge on the way to the White House
    • go down into the pit armed with only a sword and his wits
      • he can only become president after emerging with the prized amulet that holds the veto pen
  • Obama is not the first black American president, that honor goes to Calvin Watts, Jr.
    • devoured by giant spider
    • Carter beat the spider
  • every four years they replace the spider
  • Obama is up to the challenge

UnAmerican NewsEdit

Obama Edition

  • Africa
    • jubilation in Kenya
    • declared today a national holiday
  • France
    • Sarkozy wrote a letter, implying TGPE was not leading the way
  • Ukrainee
    • Yulia Tymenshenko (sp), Prime Minister
  • Turkey
    • Ersin (sp), professor
      • needs a name tuck
  • Peru
    • ritual with sacred llama fetus
      • wrong llama fetus, all votes go to Nader

Stephen Colbert's Fallback PositionEdit

  • people are losing their jobs left and right
    • so are pundits
      • forced to tell people what to think for change on the subway
  • doesn't normally wear a tuxedo
  • promises nto to yell during the whole interview
  • was 25 in clandestine service
  • never killed anyone, but couldn't really tell anyone
    • may have been 7
  • never seduced a woman spy on a mission
  • no seduction, cold-blooded humping
  • intelligence medal of merit
    • no longer undercover
  • won't sell his medal to Stephen
  • difference between spy and magician
    • engage in deception, illusion
  • was thinking of the 4 of clubs
  • adopted a whole new identity
  • was born in Scotland
  • next week Dr. Colbert will learn what sacrifices are needed to become a spy
    • things may or may not go up your butt!


  • Rachel Maddow
  • host of the Rachel Maddow show, Stephen wonders who it is? Oh, it's Rachel Maddow!
  • she's half a Newfie
  • she has no Peabodys
    • just say you have some, no one checks
  • tries to go beyond the surface, or shiny part
  • she doesn't look like a policy dork
  • believes government has a role in governance
    • it's not the answer
  • we only have one government is Benedict Arnold talk
  • Katrina was a success
    • because the government isn't supposed to help
    • they proved it
  • Bush smells like a pine forest
    • also has soft hands
      • like shaking hands with the Pillsbury doughboy
  • just present the news without the satire
  • Olbermann is crazy
    • thinks he's a chicken
  • called Olbermann the king of cable
  • as a consolation, Stephen declared her "Queen of cable"


  • Dr. Colbert sat at the fireplace
    • Mom Colbert's 88th birthday
      • to this day he still doesn't know her first name
  • she's wonderful
    • America owes her alot
  • baking her a birthday cake in the fire
  • wish Mom Colbert an 88
    • sing "Happy Birthday" to her in Latin
Felicem natalem Diem
Felicem natalem Diem
O cara ephen stay olbertcay omsmay
Felicem natalem Diem
Et Pluri Mas!


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