The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 475

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 5, 2008
Production code:
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  • Yes He Did
"Barack Obama has been elected president! My rage will be historic!"
  • Change We Can Bereave In
"Then, has Obama's election already changed America!? Yes, but don't worry, not the real America!"
  • Civil Gripes
"And I sit down with civil rights pioneer Andrew Young! I'm not sure what we'll talk about now that racism is over!"

Flag quote open clear2
I didn't vote! If I wanted to stand in line for hours, I would have been an audience member at my show!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
November 5, 2008 The Colbert Report


  • results of yuesterday's election
  • Stepehen couldn';t sleep
    • he tried to count republican Senate seats
  • squeezing stress ball
    • it turned to dust and relaxing
  • Dr. Colbert called it, from 11pm last night
    • President-elect ...
  • Oprah got crappy seats
    • redistributing Oprah's wealth
  • Repubklicans were out of touch
  • Large Hadron Collider
    • could create a black hole, destroy the earth
    • started in September, when McCain was ahead
  • jolted us into a parallel universe
    • obama is president
    • PHillies are world champions
  • 349 electoral votes
    • not a mandate
  • set back for McCain campaign
    • come back and take this thing
  • no bigger underdog than the guy who just conceded


  • fairy tale
    • snow white and 7 houses
  • like children filled with wonder
  • afraid of monsters
  • fear market could just keep going up and up
  • fear got overvalued
    • bottom fell out
  • fear bubble burst
  • our fear-bloated livers would have been the foie gras at the McCain
  • fear industry
    • scare mongers will lose their jobs
  • the story should have injected liquidity into your pants

Threat DownEdit

#5 Sensitivity

  • New York Times OpEd page published poetry

#4 Corey Booker

  • he obsessed on his delicious America's racial

#3 Universal Health Care

  • Stephen doesn't want to pony up the bill every time an alien pops from someone's chest cavity, clearly a pre-existing condition

#2 Barnyard Animals

  • Calif passed a law to give chickens the right to do the hokey-pokey
    • Chig, when a chicken is crossed with a pig
  • cheese will sue for age discrimination
  • bananas will have to be 18 before people will be allowed to eat them
  • tofu will demand the right to vote

#1 Black Presidents

  • asking for a catastrophe
  • terrorist will team up with an asteroid to hurt America
    • Obama will sit down and talk with no preconditions


  • My Black Friend
  • Barack is not black
    • Afro-Asian Europan-American
  • racists hate themselves
    • insecure with yourself, you pick on others
  • was speechless that the day would come when Stephen asked him back to the show
  • was in Chicago with MLK
  • more afraid in Chicago than Mississippi
  • he said Stephen had it right
    • people rejected fear
    • Obama awakened the faith people had in America
  • Obama's transition team
    • Stephen deserves one
    • UN job is cushy
  • MLK in 1964 believed we could have an AfAmer in 25 years
    • HW was black or Young is calling MLK a liar
  • We should thank W
  • blacks have not seen the promised land
  • every thing is so messed up that now it's been handed to black people to fix


  • Ambassador mentioned Gorlock
    • reinvest in America
  • watching from nutrient pod
  • sell all Stephen's shares in Scarcerarium
    • put in low-yield bonds


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