The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 473

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
November 3, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert discusses the election day special
    • he will be mentoring His Jewish Friend to meet some community service requirements
  • Dr. Colbert recommends Republicans move to Ohio
    • and hire some college kids to help you move and lock them in the trunk


  • Which Way The Win Blows
"Who are the real winners in this election!? Don't ask me, ask Joe The Plumber's agent!"
  • Johnny Rebel
"Plus, what does it take to be a maverick!? I say it's: ten percent inspiration, ninety percent voting with George Bush!"
  • Sullivan's Drivels
"Then, my guest Andrew Sullivan says conservatives should support Obama! Well, McCain's campaign managers certainly have done their part!"

Flag quote open clear2
You're watching the best political team on my show!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
November 3, 2008 The Colbert Report

Election EveEdit

  • Dr. Colbert started the show performing a yoga position
    • stretching the old hammies
  • Election Eve
  • macaroni salad and Tums for John McCain
    • leave pamphlets linking Obama to Bill Ayers
  • Some results we know already
    • foreclosed homes
    • offshore oil
    • bartlet pears
  • Losers
    • The Letter "G"
    • Guggenheim
    • goucho pants
      • only W was used less often
    • Next president should send all "G" to Guantanamo Uantanamo
  • winners
    • numbers
      • They were everywhere
    • Sesame Street had best political coverage

Numbers And Their BiasEdit

  • founder chief editor Cook Political Report, Charlie Cook
    • why should Stephen should care?
      • That's how people keep score
    • No one cares about numbers, every poll shows it
  • numbers are biased
    • have a liberal agenda
  • he predicts it will be real, real big
    • unwinnable race for John McCain
      • Obama will win by a healthy margin
    • this proves he is biased
  • numbers are in the tank for Obama
  • Cook advises politicians to steal all the votes you can!

How To Be A MaverickEdit

  • John McCain & Sarah Palin will win, because they are Mavericks
    • she is a maverick, she will run in 2010
  • How To Be A Maverick
    • they don't do what's expected
    • spontaneity
    • don't listen to authority
  • The word "Maverick" came from a Texas cattle baron
    • unbranded, uneaten cow
  1. Don't follow the rules
  2. There are no rules

1. Actions speak Louder than words, unless they're "I'm A Maverick!"

  • Mnemonic device:


  • Yodeling while an elephant is being born


  • why are conservatives telling people to vote for Obama
  • he claims the Bush Amdinistaion was not conservatives
    • but it would be conservative to keep things the same way
  • wants to bring calm, reason, prudence to American government
  • doesn't think there is enough Xanax to calm McCain down
  • likes to win wars, not lose them
    • wants to beat al qaeda
      • fought them dumbly
    • win moderate Muslims
  • tried to interrupt Stephen twice, after yelling at him!
  • he can't believe bin Laden is still running around
  • the difference between Sullivan and Colbert
    • Sullivan is n ot willing to believe
    • Stephen can suspend his disbelief
  • he cannot vote, he is a limey bastard
    • the English don't have plumbers, they have Loo Mechanics
  • Sullivan hates Sarah Palin
    • claimed it showed he wasn't serious
      • showed how basey McCain is
  • Sullivan believes the American people will win tomorrow (eleciton day)
    • but Stephen isn't running anymore!


  • tomorrow is the election
  • Stephen will get his prayer on
    • praying hat
    • chips
    • (guacamole) dip
      • thous shalt not eat just one
    • prayer hands
  • Dear Lord;
Voting is the most precious freedom, please make people choose the candidate I want!
And keep an open mind about the poptart tree!
  • Dr. Colbert has spent nearly 2 years telling people what to think, now go vote!


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