The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 471

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 29, 2008
Production code:
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  • Little Red Bandwagon
"More Republicans endorse Barack Obama! Great, now Republicans will have to suppress their own turnout!"
  • Bummer of '29
"And, it's the seventy-ninth anniversary of the Stock Market Crash! I believe 79 is the "Bread Crust" Anniversary!"
  • Down to the Wire
"Plus, my guest is David Simon, creator of HBO's "The Wire"! I imagine this interview will be critically acclaimed, but under appreciated!"

Flag quote open clear2
I don't pay attention to polls, I just count lawn signs! So, get ready for President Remax!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 29, 2008 The Colbert Report

The Greatetst Prank EverEdit

  • Dr. Colbert pulled the greatest prank yesterday, after smearing all the door knobs with chicken, the staff were so taken with the prank, they were all hospitalized
    • with salmonella
  • McCain revealed that he's pulled a trick on all his supporters, because no one expects it from a guy like McCain because he is so deadpan
    • or nearly dead
  • when your taxes go up, it's tragedy
    • when it happens to the poor, it's comedy
  • what about the time he picked Sarah Palin
    • Stephen gets it now
  • he's so old
    • there's a good chance she'll be president
  • it all makes sense
  • like a flaming bag of dog poop dropped on America's doorstep!

Disturbing TrendEdit

  • McCain has a first class temperament
    • rabid badger in first class
  • do not want to be late with his warm nuts
  • Weld is the tip of the iceberg
  • not because 90% GOP are underwater
  • other prominent republicans who have endorsed Obama:
    • Susan Eisenhower
    • Colin Powell
    • Scott McClellan
    • Ken Adelman
    • Yosemite Sam
      • he clings bitterly to his guns

Tonight's Word: I Endorse Barack Obama

  • solution to a crisis
    • they're getting attention and Stephen isn't
  • media need to cover this is been
  • should be talking about Stephen
    • took real courage
  • Dr. Colbert looks good in bold
  • find out about Obama's relationship with chupacabra
    • launched his political career in chupacabra's lagoon
  • Stephen hopes to get a job driving the tractor of America's collective farm
  • Stephen won't be voting for him
  • In Japan, Stephen endorses a drink, but won't drink it
    • it makes you poop Hello Kitties
  • Stephen encourages McCain to endorse Barack Obama
    • it will make him look like a Maverick

Was It Really That Bad?Edit

Was It Really That Bad?

  • moments of optimism
    • Hoover quote
  • Hoover voted with Hoover almost 90% of the time
  • solution to shortage of affordable homes: Hoovervilles
    • original gated communities, homes made from discarded gates
  • deep cuts to education, gave children great games to play:
    • "Rock, Paper, Nothing"
    • "Duck, Duck, Work In A Cannery"
    • "Hop Scotch"
  • Great radio shows
    • "Inspector Shadow"


  • David Simon
    • television producer of "The Wire" and "Generation Kill"
  • used to be a newspaper man
    • it chewed him up and spit him out
  • newspapers got obsessed with prizes
  • has never won an Emmy
    • Stephen allowed him to touch his
  • you can kill your enemies with the wingtips of the Emmy
  • he was a police reporter
  • his shows moral ambiguity confuses Dr. Colbert
  • only Woody Guthrie and Dick Cheney conform to pure good and good evil
  • forces Joe The Drug Dealer to spread his wealth around
  • he is a socialist
  • called capitalism a pyramid scheme
  • Stephen plans to have himself buried in a pyramid with all his interns
    • they'll get college credit
  • Generation Kill
    • mini series is over
    • war continues, but ratings are down


  • Dr. Colbert completists this is episode 4140, but the epilogue was originally written for episode 4127
    • don't throw away your DVDs
    • don't freak about the ending, it was for one of the Saturday shows, which you don't see anyway


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