Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 21, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Crock the Vote
"Republicans accuse ACORN of voter fraud! It's the most serious charge since they accused PRETZEL of assassinating the president!"
  • Holy Voter
"Then, does God care who wins this election!? If not, who carried me to that voting booth!?"
  • Home School Advantage
"And, I sit down with Michael Farris, chancellor of a Christian college known as God's Harvard! Which makes Harvard God's Texas A&M!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey America, you scratch my back, I'll demand you scratch my back more!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 21, 2008 The Colbert Report

Family ReunionEdit

  • hadn't heard from him in months
    • spotted in Oregon, the west coast's taint
      • Taint Washington, taint California

  • #46 is number of Obama supporters
  • slogan will go from "Change We Can Believe In" to "Change We Jesus Christ Get This Eagle Off My Face!"
  • The proud papa asks his son to tell his vulture friends to stay away from John McCain
    • he's still alive


  • more sinister than Al Qaeda
  • McCain said the fabric of democracy is threatened by ACORN
    • fragile made of founding father's pantyhose
  • picked more ominous name, like
    • KAOS

  • biggest peanut-based threat to America since Mr. Peanut tried to assassinate the Norton's salt girl
  • Dr. Colbert is deeply troubled by ACORN
  • claims ACORN's threat is imaginary
  • we cannot let Mickey Mouse vote
    • tries to make Obama feel good about his ears
  • drop an anvil on every voter
    • if a tiny bump rises up and little birds fly around their heads, they are arrested for voter fraud
  • reject all new voter registrations
    • go back to voter rolls in 2000

McCain's Hold On GodEdit

  • John McCain went to college with God
    • voters are flocking to McCain like lambs to lamb camp
  • Reverend Conrad, a McCain supporter, may have called God a pussy
    • minarets are not compensating for anything
  • Dr. Colbert shows his God-Tournament bracket
  • Dr. Colbert offers to psych God up for the Final Four between God, Buddha, Vishnu (?) and Mohammad (photo not available)

Atone Phone CallsEdit

  • due to one of the callers (a child) saying The Report was boring, Stephen will introduce a new segment Pony Down
    • profile America's top five pretty ponies


  • Patrick Henry College
    • 85-90% of students are home schools
  • why leave the home to go to college
  • can hone what the parents have done
  • gave Stephen an award
    • Arbiter of American Morality
  • known as God's Harvard
    • kicks butts in
      • debate
      • moot court
  • anyone who accepts Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior can get into Heaven
    • but, must have high enough SAT scores to get into Patrick Henry
  • harder to get into his college than it is to get into heaven
    • eye of a needle at the front gate
      • God needs to raise his standards


  • that's all for tonight, why not do another one tomorrow night!?


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